Friday, June 19, 2009


I'm torn between simply telling things how they happened, or using poetry to beat around the bush when I'm feeling down sometimes...

This isn't a poetry time I guess. It's more of rant-like situation. Maybe.

But you ever feel bummed out about the opportunities that go by, whether small or large and feeling down cause you miss them? Even if you know it would end? What exactly is the fun of playing things safe and analyzing them all the time? Where does that get you exactly? You're supposed to learn from pain and if things are all measuredly happy then you don't learn anything. You need the good to contrast from the bad.

Maybe you can guess where I'm headed with this, relationships. I mean, in the few steady relationships I've head, they've been great, I never regretted any of it. And that goes for my dates too, whether good or bad; excepting one unfortunate incident that is a whole other ballpark of idiocy on my part. But excluding that, in the two years I've been off the mission, I've never regretted a date. Sure there have been bad awkward dates, but nothing I've truly regretted.

But... I'm hesitant to actually get in a relationship with a girl, to go steady. My line of thinking is that I'll probably not marry her, not that I wouldn't take a chance to find out, and so might as well save the pains of break up and not get together at all. But... now? Especially after tonight? I'm not so sure now. Cause you see, I have this good friend that I have known for about maybe a year now? She hasn't been in Provo for a while so we've been chatting online. Anyways she decided to come down to see various friends for the weekend and so we made plans to hang out yesterday as her friends wouldn't be in, and today we went to a comedy place.

Anyways last night we talked for over an hour just about stuff, about politics, tangents and what not, and I enjoyed it. I don't do that often enough. And tonight we laughed at the comedy show and still maintained conversation as well. No awkwardness. Well, not from lack of talking anyways. Thing is, she's from out of town and has received a mission call starting in August. So I probably won't see her again before then. And so there's that awkwardness knowing that because of it, we're just going to be friends, but after I dropped her off I just wished that she would be staying down here longer just to hang out and just date each other. It sounds selfish I know, but truthfully if she were staying in Utah, I'd seize the opportunity to go out with her more often. The selfish part would be asking her to stay. Cause if I ask her to stay, even try for a relationship it means I'm looking for something more than a girlfriend as she already has her mission call. Which I'm not, I'm not even sure what I want. So therein lies the problem.

I hope you all understand what I'm trying to say... but I guess it means that I'm more open to take risks, and to enter into relationships. After the summer of course when my independent study courses are done, but why not enter relationships? I'll learn from them, have fun. Sure the breakup part won't be that enjoyable if that happens, but if you get along with someone of the opposite gender that you are attracted to, why ask yourself about marriage potential then? Why not go for it and just have fun getting to know each other?

I think I may do that. Cause otherwise, I miss out on some great opportunities.

Or am I wrong? What are your views on dating?

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