Although I would very much like to put "fear itself" at the end of the title, it seemed for a moment to be better is to fear girls, but that either sounds like I am either anti-clinton, or a 12 year old boy. Although both may be true, especially if the former gains presidency, that is not my point, nor shall that be delved into. Actually my friend Sir Wally the 3rd from Hatzfeld, Trntl, would agree with the little kid.
Anyways, I had initially made this blog to blow off steam, but I seek a higher purpose, to entertain instead of rant and throw pity parties for myself. Wally actually saved this blog unkowningly from this fate, to make it something to, just in the sense, blog about, instead of using it to vent about my perceived notion of the lack of social skills and other stuff.
So back to the story. I have been in my current singles ward for a while now, 9 months or so, and although I enjoy it and all, there has been something that has bothered me for a while, because it seems that while all the other people were getting to know each other, strengthening friendships and the like, I was still chipping away at the ice, initially thinking the ice was just too thick. Then something surprised me, one of the girls in the ward, who I thought I had weirded out or something (which apparently was in my head as well, much to my surprise, which proves even further that I am crazy ;P) briefly commented on what I put in my facebook status. I probably sounded sarcastic to her when I replied because I thought she was asking out just to ask, and wasn't genuinely some-what concerned. It wasn't until after ward prayer, until Monday night that I realized the real problem. The problem isn't that the ice is too thick for me to break, the problem is that I have only been using a a shoddy plastic toy hammer to break the ice with. (Although Wally would disagree) You may ask why I say this of myself, but it became clear as daylight to me when I left the ward BBQ that the whole time, I made little effort to actually talk to any of the girls in the ward beyond a casual hey, how are you. I played frizbee, talked with some dudes, but thinking on it, I doubt I said more than two sentences to any one.
Now don't take me wrong, the girls in the ward are fantastic, I just realized that I am the one who is not putting forth any effort to really get to know them. And suddenly I lost my train of thought and the point I was trying to make... Well my point is, here I was feeling down on myself because it seems that I didn't know that all many people, that I don't hang out with one anyone, blah blah blah, when the problem is that I seem to expect them to happen naturally, without me doing anything to promote it. So I just need to change that in myself, maybe it is a deep fear of girls, or communicating with them...
You know what. The Universe just hates me. It has decided to prove to me that it is not me, but it, who toys with me to get my hopes up and cast me. Well you know what Universe, I hate you too. You see, some of the guys in the ward play Starcraft, and I was planning on attending their next shindig thing that they would have. The conniving Universe decided to schedule my sisters high school graduation the same night as the Starcraft thing, the night I leave to go home for the weekend.
So that is the answer folks, it is the Universe's fault. I just have to figure out how to go to war against the Universe now...
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