Friday, January 23, 2009

You Should Know This Already.

Yeah, every so often I take a moment to comment about how people have found this blog by searches and what not, but c'mon, enough is enough.

Some person found my recently by googling "Who is Edward of twilight dating?". Shouldn't you this, I mean Edward is dating Bella of course.
Well actually, technically he is married to her with some little half undead growth hormone monstrosity. So I guess this does bring about new mystery, Who is Edward dating?
I mean now that Bella is undead and all, she no longer has that savory juicy steak smell. Sure he can spend all day in bed with her because they don't get tired or anything while Jacob plays baby games with his wife to be. He only has to wait a year or so before she become 'legal' right? But heaven forbid if a half-vampire can have children. The possibility of a half wolf-shapechanger, half, or fourth, vampire is just too grisly to imagine. But this isn't about Jacob's future with a half undead abomination where there are probably dozens of fanfics about their adventures and all, this is about who Edward is dating.

Sure the obvious thought, as I stated before, is that he would be taking his wife Bella out occasionally. But lets examine this thoroughly. Edward and his family clearly have more money than they know what do with, they never tire, Edward is no longer attracted to Bella the same way he was before because she isn't human, and as Bella has human ties for the next forty years or so, Edward has to do something while she is visiting the in-laws right?

Obviously the person who googled this saw something up in Forks, and thought that since the media reports on every minute of every celebrities lives, especially when being unfaithful; that the person clearly thinks that Edward is two-timing Bella.

Maybe that is why Edward never hooked up with that one vampire from Alaska, she wasn't human and thus not his type. We know he traveled around, and that he was in Italy for a few days preparing himself to walk out of the 'Vampire Closet' so to speak. (And now there will be dozens of fanfics about gay vampires and gay Eddie. Joy.) So maybe while he was in the shadows in Italy he met a young Italian female who had a nose for trouble and he ended up saving her life. We all know how this ends up, she falls in love with Edward because she smells like a superb Italian meatball, and this time he can read her mind so he knows if she'll reveal him. Although it does add up more if she is another extremely private person, so he can't read her mind. After-all, we know Edward is into that sort of thing, feeling human by having to guess like any other guy, so most likely that is the case.
Also Edward knows now with his experience with Bella to not turn her to be a vampire; not only would she lose the superb Italian meatball smell (which is far better than some girl from Arizona would smell I wager, no offense female Arizonians) but if the young Italian chick were a vampire, it would introduce all sorts of problems.

Of course as he is in Italy, and since the Voltari are there as well, the young Italian mistress might make a good peace offering since those dudes collect gifted vampires and act like the Mob.

This does also add insight to why Edward feels like he is going to hell, it's not because he's a vampire, but he's clearly been helping the Voltari on the side, a free-agent of sorts. Only with Bella he could resist and decided to keep her to himself, which is why the Voltari were angry in the first place, because Edward should have handed her over, but didn't.

So there you have it my good Google searcher, Edward clearly is double timing Bella with some privately minded Italian flirt, preparing her for the Voltari. After which he'll move onto his next target.

So to all the ladies in the world, here's hoping he can read your mind, if not, you're next. Well after me. I know too much and he has to eliminate me now.


Of course you could have been asking who Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward, is dating. My answer, I don't know nor do I care. You can surely Google it to find out. That's what you did to find this blog you say? Right. Well he's obviously following Edward's footsteps and recruiting naive, talented, young females for some underground organization.

5 comments:

yellow m&m said...

Someone googled "Welsh book of mormon" and ended up on my site. So there.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

But that is a legitimate thing to search for as you took welsh classes and have mentioned the Book of Mormon. In fact that is generally better to search for as it is something far more interesting.
That and you can't come up with conspiracy theories about welsh Book of Mormons.

yellow m&m said...

You can't? Really? I must recalculate my calculations.
(Tag!)

Green Giant said...

wow, Sam, you have way too much time on your hands, or your just spouting random thoughts that come to mind.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Giant, I actually think it is both, that I have too much time on my hands to help spout out random things.