Maybe, Just Maybe

Maybe there is a reason?
Maybe, just maybe?

A reason I don't call like I should?
ask for a second date?
or even flirt like I could?

A reason to not know others?
To keep them at arms distance?
To not get involved?

Do I want to deal with it again?

The pain?
The tears?
The anguish?

Do I want to begin something
that is destined to end?
That won't go the distance?
That will end in pain?

Am I protecting myself?
Or in doing so, am I hurting myself more?

Am I doing myself a favor,
By being flaky?
By not committing?
By letting things slide?
By not opening up?

Would it be worth it,
To try again?
To open my heart?
To give it a chance?
To try to love?

Do I want to go that path?
When memories ripple up from the past?
When I see the rifts and the sadness?
When friendship is lost?

When things seemed great till the end?
When the answer was no?
When that answer caused so much,
Pain?
Grief?
Sorrow?

While in the same city,
a terrible chasm splits us?
When the sight of each other
brings back those memories?

When once we had such happiness?
But now we only have silenced pain?
When we had the future to look toward?
But is now far different than we imagined?

Hadn't the time buried such feelings?
Only to spring up again at a time like this?
Why such a shallow covering?
Why does this persist?

Do I just wear a mask to cover my pain?
Or did I think I had healed?
Or is it some third option?

But was it for naught?
Was it a waste of time?
A waste of memories?

When I still
Remember her face?
The twinkle in her eyes?
The smell of her hair?
The sound of her laugh?
Of being together?
Of the first date?
The first kiss?
The stuffed animal I gave?

Was it all for naught?
Do I regret it?
Do I think it was a waste of time?'
No, no it wasn't.

But what now?
Do I want to move on?
Do I want to see someone new?
Someone to hug, to kiss, to hold, to love?

Is my heart in it?
Or do I do it because I should?
Am I just playing games with my heart?

Do I really even care?
Do I want to find someone new?
Does my heart want to open up again?
To drop the iron curtain?
I suppose?

But when?
When do I want to try a hand at love again?
When will I express my feelings?
When I've been to scared?
When I've settled on friendship?
And haven't made my feelings clear?

When I will go out of my way just to say hi?
To see the light in her eyes?
To see her smile?
To laugh at her jokes?
To be her friend?

But what if it is then too late?
That when I decide to act,
That she will have found someone else?
Do I want to think of what might have been?
If I had but taken the initiative to ask?

So what now you ask?
Will I take the initiative?
Will I let my heart heal?
Will I go out of my way just to see her?
To make her smile?
To be her friend?
To catch that gleam in her eye?
To put my heart in the line?
And not have to wonder at what might have been?

Maybe that is reason to act?
Maybe it is, maybe, just maybe.

Do you really want to know.

Well Yellow M&M Tagged me (She's one of the blogs that is linked to in the side bar) to talk about the facebook groups I belong to. Do you really want to open up that can of worms folks? I tell you, it's not pretty. It could be worse though, I could be answering this when I belonged to near 100 groups. Now I am back down to 44.

Anyways the first on my list of all the groups is 1,000,000 AGAINST THE NEW FACEBOOK LAYOUT! It has a whopping 2,630,273 members at the moment!
The last on my list is Why I believe God still has prophets... Hmmn, it's a bit quiet there...

For most recently updated is again the Anti-new facebook group, so the second is BYU-ID - A group that I helped inspire when the networks were first threatened to be removed.
The last on my updated list is 100 Hour Board Addicts - Nothing to really say here.

As far as size go, the other high ranking groups groups are Petition against the new facebook and Feeny...Feeny....Fee-hee-hee-heeny....
The lowest member group that I belong to is a bit of an inside joke that I'm not completely inside of; Karen's cute nostril. Yes. It does sound strange.

I would like to mention that I admin two groups, but unfortunately one is very inactive as no one wants to learn how to conquer the world. They just think that the group looks cool most likely. Of course they did start posting when I put up pictures of hated leaders who did try and conquer the world, but that is a different story. But you have to find that group on your own.

But a couple that I like are; RIP, Naked Indian Snowman, Edward Cullen Can Eat My Shorts - The Official Anti-Twilight Trilogy Group - although it has been a while since I last posted there. The last one I'd like to mention is
All life lessons can be learned from watching Forest Gump.

So hope you enjoyed this facebook stuff about me.

I tag Bob and Orb360!

The Most Random Keyword

Well today I am baffled and slightly amused; I was checking Analytics today and I say that yesterday someone found my blog by looking up "Strongbadia the free." I know that homestarrunner is awesome and everything, but I don't believe that I have mentioned it thus far on this blog. and now someone somehow found my blog by searching for it? That's got to be something right there.

Anyways the storm threatened to rage on the seashore and the lone watchman toiled at the gate while others thought nothing of it. The Watchman thought troubled was brewing as occurred yesteryear when the most terrible of tempests had occurred. The Watchman lost hope and gave a few shouts, but his voice hardly carried to those who could help. He looked above and uttered a prayer to have strength to withstand, to man his position. So though he went to bed dreaming of calamity, the sun came up the next morn. The watchman was amazed and thankful for the miracle, while the world continued on with nary a thought of the Watchman's screams of danger in the late of night.

Before I Get Tagged a Third Time

Well I meme a lot, and have been tagged by not only Yellow M&M, but also Katria, whose blog I read occasionally as well. Anyways the point of this one is to say six things about myself that no one knows. Lets see if I can stun most of you by what you don't know about me. Lets hope no one gets mad by these admissions.

1. I have kissed at least one girl.

2. I played D&D years ago.

3. I am actually more thoughtful and not as outgoing as I make myself to be online

4. My shoes are about three years old and are just beginning to fall apart

5. I secretly have a crush on a regular reader of my blog

6. I was involved in a dance company when I was a kid; to perform the nutcracker and other stuff.

Anyways, you're probably wondering who I am going to tag. Well if you think that, you're now tagged. Have at it and have fun.

Word Art

So, a friend of mine showed me this Word Art site where it randomizes words from blogs and such. I thought I would post a couple that I generated from this blog. It doesn't appear that I can

The first
And here is the second:



It's a fun site, go try it.

A day late, but oh well

Others did this, so why not? It's a day late but I'm going to extend this to any and everyone who comments on this blog entry.
I hereby proclaim that September 23rd, 2008 shall be Blurker Amnesty Day. You are probably saying to yourself - "Self, what is Blurker Amnesty Day?" Well this is the day that all blurkers can (and hopefully will) comment and make their presence known without penalty. You may even be saying to yourself - "Self, what is a blurker?" To answer you again, oh inquisitive one - a blurker is a blog lurker. Someone who reads a blog but never posts any comments.

So my unobtrusive friend - I am calling you out. In exchange for your comment, you have my solemn promise that I will not stalk you or request a comment from you in the future. Amnesty.

In case you are saying to yourself - "Self, how do I comment on a blog?" Well, I can answer that as well. Simply click on the area that says X # of people had something to say. You will see a comment box pop up. If you are signed into blogger then you can type your comment and click submit. If you don't have a google account then type your comment and make sure to include your name and perhaps your location (so I know who you are) and select anonymous. Then click submit. It is just that easy!

I am not upset that I have blurkers - it doesn't creep me out in the least. I am curious who you are - I crave the human interaction - I can only squeeze so much engaging chatter out of the little ones. Trust me I squeeze them all too much. I am just interested in who is out there. Reading. And not commenting.

And to my fellow bloggers, feel free to declare amnesty for your blurkers on this special day as well. Of course you can borrow the logo. Consider it a gift. And I would love to hear if you brought some blurkers out of hiding!

So say what you have always wanted to say with the guarantee that I won't look you with Google's satellite, or any of the other resources that I may or may not have at hand.
(mind you, I reserve the right to use my time machine and stalk you in both the past and the future.)

My Best Picture

You know how a few months back I posted a picture of me in a top hat? Well the picture that I am about to post is probably my sexiest, most handsome picture ever. I won't be surprised if all my female readers fall instantly in love with me just because of how cute and irresistible I am in the picture below.

You see, I was at home this weekend and my parents had dug out some old photos, and I decided I was going to scan it, only I forgot and I called my brother to do it. So sometime later I'll replace the photo with a color picture when my family figures out how to scan color photos. But I have decided to show you that at one point in time, I was indeed cuter than Brad Pitt himself.


So yes, this is me at my prime when I was ten years old or so, leaning on the basketball. Now... well, now I am old, blind and complain about going to school and home uphill both ways. Elder Fields is the one on his knees, and that little four or five year who looks absolutely thrilled is Dan. And yes ladies, he is available! He turned 16 in April and has yet to go on a date, so if any of you have any interested younger sisters, we'll see if we can't set up some double/group date sort of thing.

Does he know I am plugging him shamelessly? Nope. Not at all. Does it matter? Not so much. But I can tell you he is an intelligent, funny, witty young man, so if you have young sisters who would like to go on a date with a sixteen year old Adonis, just let me know.

If not, well you young ladies all know at least what our male children would look like. If that's not incentive, I don't know what is.


I am of course entirely kidding; I don't expect to be married until my early nineties. You remember that Episode of Boy Meets World where Shawn turns Feeny's home into a temporary Bed and Breakfast and the honeymoon couple turns out be be a couple in their nineties? That's me. Of course, our children will still be devilishly handsome.

Haha! Another Meme stolen again.

Yes, I am shameful, but I have "Borrowed" another fill in/meme thing from Chilly. Enjoy!

1. There is no need like the lack of a friend.

2. Where in the heck did..? I don't know, I haven't been to heck, so I can't tell you where anything would have happened there. But you can ask Stalin though, he lives there.

3. It's not much, but conquering the world through laughter is all I managed to do.

4. Prospects for eternity are next to nothing compared to the prospect of soiling ones pants.

5. Danger Will Robinson, Danger!!! is the message.

6. Simplicity and tranquility are sublime, and happen to be two things I lack..

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to maybe going home?, tomorrow my plans include watching the BYU football game on tv and hopefully hanging out with some friends and Sunday, well I just want Sunday to not pass by so quick

Missionary Update

My brother has now been in the MTC for a week now, hence forth to be referred to as Elder Fields. He is doing well, he feels a little inadequate about how much he is progressing, but I sent him a letter telling him that he is being ridiculous. Anyways, here is snippet of what he wrote, edited for spelling;

My entire district likes me so much. They always get a good laugh when I'm around. I made the mistake of showing/sharing with them my voice talents and now they won't leave me alone about it. They all claim they will miss me so much and life in the mission field just won't be the same without me.

So, something I hadn't mentioned before is that Elder Fields does a lot of voices, he's great at it, his favorite may be Stitch from Lilo and Stitch.

also

The reality of the situation hit me Thursday morning and I felt a little homesick. A quick prayer cheered me up and I felt better. Satan has been working hard on me not stop since I got here to make me feel miserable. The dark weather Thursday and Friday, plus Satan's grip just made me feel worse but I discovered that by praying hard daily, Satan's power would leave and I could be in peace.

They (the MTC) have thrown the first discussion down our throats over and over again since we got here. We were all sure we knew them but we were nervous anyway when we went to teach and be taught on Saturday. We all thought we did horribly and have had plenty of time to improve since then. Everyone else seems to have improved so much more than I have. They've gone miles and I've gone inches.

So that is what he has written, Updates will follow weekly, or more often depending on how often he decides to write.

This week

First off, I to Mr. Marriedthreemonthsoffyourmission, I will now refer to you as Chuck. (the former is too long) Anyways Chuck, you haven't been calling me back. For that you get a fist shaking.

Also, an update to my meme, to the girl I shall refer to as Jillian, I now have her number. Victory is mine.

As to other things, last night I was with a friend, known fairly well by a certain nickname to his nickname, so thus I grant him a new one; Forrest.
Well Forrestlikes this Jenny, a lot. He thinks he may have a future with her, and has a well laid out plan. Whether or not it works, or a wretch comes into play to throw things out of wack is beyond my expertise. But it is admirable that he does have a plan, something that I need to do more, as anything beyond tomorrow night is fuzzy.

Anyways, he likes her, but she is a freshman and he isn't and doesn't want to scare her off, nor does she know he likes her. Well she was with him, but cuddling with some other dude. Forrest and me send a few texts, he needs to get out and rant. So he comes by, and we take off for the lake, shouting lyrics at the top of our lungs and him pounding on the wheel. Well he is shouting lyrics, I attempt to guess them while shouting so I wasn't awkwardly watching him vent out his anger. I wish I was more of a shouter. Or a voice for it at times.
So we get to the lake, and walk along a path, as we feared we would be trespassing since the gates were closed. He mostly talked while I fed in some input, but he definitely has interesting insights into himself, he could properly gauge how he was feeling and not do anything rash. Sure he wants to cause the armaggedon now, but he isn't reacting to what is going on and holding himself in check. It is definitely interesting. Also along the way we saw some skunks, and though we wished for cameras to take some pictures, the flash would have scared them most likely and we would have stunk up a storm.So we walked and talked, turned around and talked some more. Unfortunately there was no singing so I can't burst into primary song with the words "pioneer children sang as they walked..." Maybe as they drove though?

As for myself, in combination with previous days and last nght, I realize that I frequently think of how others would perceive me, if I'm normal, strange, transparent, all of the above. I realize I need to stop worrying about it, what others may think. It does no good and I lose out on the opportunity to be myself. I even was comparing myself to Donkey from Shrek, in how it may be perceived that my emotions are on the cuff of my sleeve. I'm not sure how I think about all of it myself. I may let you know when I find out, but I'm going to go on now, and not worry about what others think and be myself.

So you hear me world, you don't have anything on me anymore! Nothing at all! I am my own person, and I shall be the victor. (This is where you all have thoughts about the end of the world coming soon pop into your head.

Now, I shall end this entry on a maniacal note. A maniacal laughter note. Bwa ha ha ha hee hee hee hee ha ha ha hah hah hah whee hee hee hee ha ha ha....

The Prodigal Roommate

I live in a apartment with three rooms, two shared and one private. All four of us in the shared rooms have been here for a few weeks now, and the roommate who has the private room has been here for the summer. Only for the past month or so he's been out of town, until now.

Up until now I have got along with my roommates, even the one with the knives and homicidal tendencies. But I think it is safe to say that I may just live in the most awkward college apartment in Provo. You see, the new roommate, Diego, is old. Not thirties old, but in upper forties or early fifties old, as in has children at least my age old, as in divorced since 1989 old, as in old enough to be my dad old. He's getting his masters degree in law, and although he's seems to be a good guy, this is probably the most awkward situation that I have been in. I guess that means I have a standard now to measure up against?

Anyways, this day was good. The cougars won, so that is an added bonus. Only regrets was not going to walmart to hang with a pair of friends, rather than have my brain melt watching something completely inane.

Double Post Friday!

Well, I decided that I would do this meme thing, so enjoy!!! (And comment more, you all. To be specific, Giant, Goober, Fred, Chilly and Bob, this blog currently has a lack of your comments in it.)

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:
1. You know... I think I am going to give it up completely for a while. I just have other stuff to do, and yes, I know the Unconquered Sun will be heartbroken.
2. I know how you feel, but I like you more as good friend than anything else. Please understand.
3. I should have gone out with you a second time, and I feel maybe that is why we aren't as good as friends. I may like you, but I'm not sure. Maybe you can see that in my eyes?
4. I need to say hi to you more. There is definitely more to you than meets the eye.
5. I wish I understood you more, and knew what exactly is happening so I can be a better friend. I want to be better friends and get to know you better.
6. Dude! Yes you're married, but call me back man! Not cool.
7. I lied. I am sorry. I am the one armed man. And I doubt you will ever know.
8. I so should have asked you for your number when I had the chance, and I fear it may be too late when I see you again on Tuesday.
9. Thanks for being a co-conspirator with me
10. Although I know we haven't met yet and I don't know when we will, I want you to know that I am striving to be a better person, and be the best person for you. I just hope I don't make things too awkward when we do.

Nine Things About Myself:
1. I talk in my sleep, and also in fluent Spanish.
2. I act too shy for my own good. I sometimes need help to break out of that shell.
3. When I am myself and enjoying life, people think I have a European accent.
4. I need to focus more on getting homework done first more, than getting it done at the last minute.
5. Important! When I say I am ok, I really am not, but don't want to open myself up. Same thing applies to when I say I am doing well, but tired; it's just an excuse I fly out there to deflect more questions. (unless I have a legitimate reason to be tired, but that's rare)
6. I like to laugh, and more especially, I like to make others laugh, or a say something to cause them to smile. Especially a cute girl. Either way, it makes my day when I lighten someone's mood.
7. I like to poke and tickle people. I resist that urge strongly except when it comes to little kids and my cousins. I am to scared to even try it on girls my age.
8. My thought process is scary in the mornings. Please don't make me elaborate.
9. I am a geek. There. I said it.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart (like I know what my heart prefers, I barely understand my mind, let alone my heart):
1. Know that I am silly at times. Go with it.
2. Insist that we hang out, and not just text or im each other
3. Flirt a little
4. At the very least tolerate my laughter, and try to enjoy it.
5. Have a strong testimony of the Gospel and try to live it.
6. Let me do things for you, just to be nice.
7. Rescue me from myself and from being on the computer all the time.
8. Enjoy deep conversations about the gospel, daily events, literature. Or attempts at it anyways.

Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:
1. I should be doing homework rather than this
2. Gratitude to Heavenly Father
3. Pleadings for Strength to follow the Spirit
4. How can I make this funny?
5. Yeah... she probably thinks I am creepy.
6. Java (ex. System.out.println();)
7. Stop being downbeat and depressed! You're better and happier than that. Everyone makes mistakes, get up and get going!

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
1. Take out my contacts, or take off my glasses.
2. Turn off my speakers so there there is no eerie blue light all night
3. Sigh at the mess of my room
4. Change into sleeping clothes
5. Clear my bed off all the stuff I put on it earlier
6. Night prayer and off to bed

Five People Who Mean a Lot:
1. My parents and Siblings
2. The Giant, Wally, Yodaking, Mr. Marriedthreemonthsoffhismission
3. People in my ward
4. Boardies; in specific Giovanni, Bob, Yellow M&M, Fred, Chilly
5. Roommates

Four Things You’re Wearing Right Now:
1. My glasses
2. My watch
3. Clothes.
4. A big grin.

Three Songs That You Listen to Often (Currently):
1. Mexican/Latin Music
2. Classical
3. Everything else

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Serve a few more missions
2. Be the best husband and father that I can be.

One Confession:
1. I did it. I did it with the rolling pin in the study.

Wind Interference on the Ninth Hole.

Ok, I get it, I need to update this. I mean, I can't have this be like my journal where I only update once every three months or so can I? No? I thought not.

Brief updates before I get to the main subject, school has started, yippee, the insurance company may decide to just total out my Geo, which if granted the fair value, means I get $775 or so for its value, if good, it means I get $1100. Wow. I am surprised, I thought it was worth less than that. I have also read Breaking Dawn, so expect a post about that, just to annoy my sister.

As it turns out, me and a girl who lived in my ward last year, Raquel, went on a date last night to the mini golf place on 8th North in Orem. That was fun, I don't remember our scores, but I'm pretty sure she won, I let her though by hitting the ball more times than was necessary. She may have known that. We also stopped counting after we hit the ball 5 or more times, and yes that did happen a lot. Especially the hole with the sloped hill and water/pond danger. Our balls kept going in it.
Then the wind decided to pick up and blow the golf balls some, and make the small flags go wild on us. So much we decided to call interference due to excessive wind. You hear that wind? We're on to you!
Anyways, Raquel is cool, and is an English major (I know a few of those, including formers as well) and I found out that Edgar Alan Poe was a player. That's right, the guy with the raven that says nevermore, he was a player. Apparently he wrote love notes to married women while he was engaged. So we talked about literature, movies and the like. It was fun. Oh, and bismark, she's a cute Asian. (ha ha ha, well half Japanese.)

Well, I have now updated, so all you that were complaining now have your wish. As for the others that read, I want your input too!