Courage

If I Had the Courage

If I had the Courage,
I'd be more than what I am,
I'd say the things that come to mind,
Trivial or important, all that others would say.

The small jokes, the one liners,
Asking to know you, to flirt, to smile, to laugh
I wouldn't worry how I appear
Or second guess what people think, even when donned in a top hat.

I'd get past the small talk
To the personal information
To be a friend, a confidant, trustworthy,
Not just another face in the crowd.

But here I am before you,
Shy and nervous as can be,
I worry, I freeze, I stutter,
And say nothing in the end.

And so in the end, less is said,
Opportunities lost, awkward silences had,
Out on the edge, out on the fray
Part of the group, the circle, the activity.

But a spectator only
When participation desired.
Unknown how to rectify
Confused how to change

When if I could I would,
Compliment you, flirt with you, get to know you
Smile, laugh, being happy and sharing experiences
Not cause I'm there, but for the friendship obtained.

So here I am as quiet as can be
Enwrapped in all the conversation,
listening to all that said,
But not saying anything myself.

Not talking, just listening.
Hearing others, but not being heard
There, but not there...
Invisible you might say.

All that I could do
All that could be said
Worries, thoughts and ideas meetted out
If only I had the courage.