I would like to take this moment to congratulate you all for your readership. We have now passed 1000 views. Thank you for taking your time to read this blog.
In other news, I got in a fender bender today, some guy hit back ended me and bent some metal. No worries, I am fine, the car runs fine, it's just that the hatchback part of the car won't lock now because the metal is bent. Good thing I just passed my safety registration requirement.
Who knows how much that will cost to fix though.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
The most Heinous of Crimes.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I stand here today accused of the most heinous of crimes, the most awful of deeds; Of playing the emotions of these two innocent young ladies Kitty and Lydia. (points go to those who figure out where those names are from)
This sad sordid tale begins the week previous to this one; I had arranged a time with my sister Sally to drive down to Ephraim and pick her up for a family event in Tooele this weekend. During the course of this conversation, Sally mentioned that she has a large number of roommates due to the fact that she lives in a large house complex, and at the end of the call I mischievously mentioned that I would flirt with many of her roommates upon my arrival. A day or two later Sally called saying that Kitty coincidentally needed some help with her computer. I leaped at this opportunity to lay my snares and tried to help her, but when no further help could be given, we conversed "innocently" for a few minutes. Also mentioned by both Sally and Kitty is that another roommate, Lydia, desired to converse with me as well. I knew at that moment I had successfully laid the groundwork for the horrendous crime for which I am accused.
Two days passed, and before I left my apartment the morning of the second day, I called Sally to inform her to give my number to Kitty and Lydia so we could text each other, mistakenly assuming that they had decided to take me up on my statement to flirt with them, but using the idea of friendship and sincere conversation as a front for my unscrupulous plan. Sally was innocently beguiled and gave me Kitty's number and we continued the conversation from when last we conversed, via text message. Near the beginning of those texts, Kitty sent me Lydia's number, repeating that Lydia desired to converse with me. And here is when the heinous crime begins, my descent into madness if you will, as I began to text them both at the same time. I know, you can say it, it was quite horrible of me, so many rules of conduct violated, so many decencies trampled upon, it must be hard to keep an unbiased view of me and my actions, but for the sake of justice, it must be done.
So, members of the jury, as I conversed with the two of them at the same time, I continued my conversation with Kitty about dances, my top hat, stuff like that, while shamefully flirting with Lydia at the same time via text message. This egregious behavior continued for a few hours, until the pair at one point or another became aware of what had been transpiring. At that very moment they saw the truth for what it was, saw that I was unscrupulously playing with their heart strings and decided to rightfully and judiciously accuse me of that vile wrongdoing, that illicit activity of playing the part of a true born player. At that moment I saw that the gig was up, and like the slimy, worthless man that I am, I attempted to apologize for my wrong doing, unsure at how they could leap to such truthful assumptions at such amazing speed, attempting to get in their good graces once again. Thankfully these innocent, pure young ladies saw through my lies, Kitty in fact had such amazing foresight as to have seen my insidious plot for what it was from the very beginning and revealed to me that they in fact were playing me like the foolish scumbag I am, as righteous objection to the wrongdoing that I had executed.
At that point I scrambled, for they had exposed me, and I saw the lies and misdeeds surrounding me. Lydia seemed to sense my desperation, my introspection into my horrid soul and unhesitatingly apologized for being rude, justly laying blame on a bad relationship that she had barely escaped from and honestly hoped that we could at the very least continue as friends. I recognized that moment for what it was, an in, an opportunity to get close to her heart, and called her. Thankfully Lydia is such a good judge of character, that when I began to speak, she saw the deception that I was about to spin and rightfully accused me of being a player and promptly hung up, so she would not be deceived by my false promises of hope and friendship.
Days passed, and yet I afflicted myself at how to enact my bitter revenge, at how to get back at the two righteous young ladies who had scorned me. It soon came to me that I could enrage them by sending them an insulting comic strip. It worked like a charm, the jab at their high moral character not only succeeded, but it only brought an additional bonus sparking justifiable hatred towards me. During a conversation with Sally, that point was brought to bear that Kitty did hate me, but instead of ignoring it or responding with kindness or witty humor, I responded cruelly and heartlessly to Kitty that I loved her too. This, along with my prior misdeeds, spread to other roommates and one such roommate whose name I never learned(out of safety from the dangers of associating with one such as myself no doubt) brought up the unfaltering accusation of me being a liar and trying to hide the evidence of those vile misdeeds.
So you see ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am the villain in this story, I have perpetuated that vile misdeed and played this game, striking the fair damsels Kitty and Lydia to the center, degrading their pure and innocent character. This vile misdeed that has left a foul bitter aftertaste of righteous hatred towards me in their mouths, that comes with association with one such as I, one whose villainy and falsehoods runs long and wide, cannot be tolerated in the smallest instance. It cannot go unpunished lest I strike out again and text two other girls at the same time or escalate the crime to include a third or even a fourth victim.
So, I ask of you members of the jury, what verdict do you assign to me for the unspeakable crime of texting two young ladies that I barely know at the same time? What punishment would you sentence me that would steer me to righteous paths and reformation to become a productive member of society?
Members of the Jury, the time is now yours. What is your verdict?
This sad sordid tale begins the week previous to this one; I had arranged a time with my sister Sally to drive down to Ephraim and pick her up for a family event in Tooele this weekend. During the course of this conversation, Sally mentioned that she has a large number of roommates due to the fact that she lives in a large house complex, and at the end of the call I mischievously mentioned that I would flirt with many of her roommates upon my arrival. A day or two later Sally called saying that Kitty coincidentally needed some help with her computer. I leaped at this opportunity to lay my snares and tried to help her, but when no further help could be given, we conversed "innocently" for a few minutes. Also mentioned by both Sally and Kitty is that another roommate, Lydia, desired to converse with me as well. I knew at that moment I had successfully laid the groundwork for the horrendous crime for which I am accused.
Two days passed, and before I left my apartment the morning of the second day, I called Sally to inform her to give my number to Kitty and Lydia so we could text each other, mistakenly assuming that they had decided to take me up on my statement to flirt with them, but using the idea of friendship and sincere conversation as a front for my unscrupulous plan. Sally was innocently beguiled and gave me Kitty's number and we continued the conversation from when last we conversed, via text message. Near the beginning of those texts, Kitty sent me Lydia's number, repeating that Lydia desired to converse with me. And here is when the heinous crime begins, my descent into madness if you will, as I began to text them both at the same time. I know, you can say it, it was quite horrible of me, so many rules of conduct violated, so many decencies trampled upon, it must be hard to keep an unbiased view of me and my actions, but for the sake of justice, it must be done.
So, members of the jury, as I conversed with the two of them at the same time, I continued my conversation with Kitty about dances, my top hat, stuff like that, while shamefully flirting with Lydia at the same time via text message. This egregious behavior continued for a few hours, until the pair at one point or another became aware of what had been transpiring. At that very moment they saw the truth for what it was, saw that I was unscrupulously playing with their heart strings and decided to rightfully and judiciously accuse me of that vile wrongdoing, that illicit activity of playing the part of a true born player. At that moment I saw that the gig was up, and like the slimy, worthless man that I am, I attempted to apologize for my wrong doing, unsure at how they could leap to such truthful assumptions at such amazing speed, attempting to get in their good graces once again. Thankfully these innocent, pure young ladies saw through my lies, Kitty in fact had such amazing foresight as to have seen my insidious plot for what it was from the very beginning and revealed to me that they in fact were playing me like the foolish scumbag I am, as righteous objection to the wrongdoing that I had executed.
At that point I scrambled, for they had exposed me, and I saw the lies and misdeeds surrounding me. Lydia seemed to sense my desperation, my introspection into my horrid soul and unhesitatingly apologized for being rude, justly laying blame on a bad relationship that she had barely escaped from and honestly hoped that we could at the very least continue as friends. I recognized that moment for what it was, an in, an opportunity to get close to her heart, and called her. Thankfully Lydia is such a good judge of character, that when I began to speak, she saw the deception that I was about to spin and rightfully accused me of being a player and promptly hung up, so she would not be deceived by my false promises of hope and friendship.
Days passed, and yet I afflicted myself at how to enact my bitter revenge, at how to get back at the two righteous young ladies who had scorned me. It soon came to me that I could enrage them by sending them an insulting comic strip. It worked like a charm, the jab at their high moral character not only succeeded, but it only brought an additional bonus sparking justifiable hatred towards me. During a conversation with Sally, that point was brought to bear that Kitty did hate me, but instead of ignoring it or responding with kindness or witty humor, I responded cruelly and heartlessly to Kitty that I loved her too. This, along with my prior misdeeds, spread to other roommates and one such roommate whose name I never learned(out of safety from the dangers of associating with one such as myself no doubt) brought up the unfaltering accusation of me being a liar and trying to hide the evidence of those vile misdeeds.
So you see ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am the villain in this story, I have perpetuated that vile misdeed and played this game, striking the fair damsels Kitty and Lydia to the center, degrading their pure and innocent character. This vile misdeed that has left a foul bitter aftertaste of righteous hatred towards me in their mouths, that comes with association with one such as I, one whose villainy and falsehoods runs long and wide, cannot be tolerated in the smallest instance. It cannot go unpunished lest I strike out again and text two other girls at the same time or escalate the crime to include a third or even a fourth victim.
So, I ask of you members of the jury, what verdict do you assign to me for the unspeakable crime of texting two young ladies that I barely know at the same time? What punishment would you sentence me that would steer me to righteous paths and reformation to become a productive member of society?
Members of the Jury, the time is now yours. What is your verdict?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The best test that you can give is your testimony
As you may all know, I usually attempt to post humor, or try to derive humor from every day events. Today is not one of those days.
I assume that many, if not most of those who read my blog know what church I belong to, but for those who may pass by or don't know; I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or commonly referred to as the "Mormon" church. And so I would like to give my thoughts and feelings to what I believe, and why I myself am a member of this church.
I was born into the church, baptized at the age of 8, have gone to seminary and institute and have come back from serving a mission in Mexico a little over a year ago. I can't say for certain when I first started believing, I think to one extent or another I always have believed, but it probably was around the age of seventeen when my faith and testimony truly began to grow, when I began to apply more actively the teachings of Christ to my life in emulation of Him. I know that Jesus is my, our, savior, that he suffered for us so that if we accept him and utilize the atonement, his sacrifice for us, we can be free from sin and return to his presence some day. I firmly believe that, when I am feeling down and out, when I do raise my voice to him, that He listens, and does respond, granting consolation unto me. I am thankful for Christ's sacrifice and for God's love, and I know that he truly does love us and want the best for us.
I have read both the Book of Mormon and the Bible and have had that overwhelming feeling, that peace and happiness. I know that they are inspired of God, that he continues to guide and direct as as he did before. I believe that the authority that Jesus gave his apostles is on the Earth again, and that God has once again called a prophet to guide and lead His church.
I believe this to be true, and I know that by striving to live His commandments, I too can return to live in His presence.
I hope you all get something out of this entry, and I hope that the Holy Ghost testifies to you of this, and that if you want to know for thyself you can read and ask in prayer to know that these things are true. I leave you with this in the name Jesus Christ, Amen.
I assume that many, if not most of those who read my blog know what church I belong to, but for those who may pass by or don't know; I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or commonly referred to as the "Mormon" church. And so I would like to give my thoughts and feelings to what I believe, and why I myself am a member of this church.
I was born into the church, baptized at the age of 8, have gone to seminary and institute and have come back from serving a mission in Mexico a little over a year ago. I can't say for certain when I first started believing, I think to one extent or another I always have believed, but it probably was around the age of seventeen when my faith and testimony truly began to grow, when I began to apply more actively the teachings of Christ to my life in emulation of Him. I know that Jesus is my, our, savior, that he suffered for us so that if we accept him and utilize the atonement, his sacrifice for us, we can be free from sin and return to his presence some day. I firmly believe that, when I am feeling down and out, when I do raise my voice to him, that He listens, and does respond, granting consolation unto me. I am thankful for Christ's sacrifice and for God's love, and I know that he truly does love us and want the best for us.
I have read both the Book of Mormon and the Bible and have had that overwhelming feeling, that peace and happiness. I know that they are inspired of God, that he continues to guide and direct as as he did before. I believe that the authority that Jesus gave his apostles is on the Earth again, and that God has once again called a prophet to guide and lead His church.
I believe this to be true, and I know that by striving to live His commandments, I too can return to live in His presence.
I hope you all get something out of this entry, and I hope that the Holy Ghost testifies to you of this, and that if you want to know for thyself you can read and ask in prayer to know that these things are true. I leave you with this in the name Jesus Christ, Amen.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
A Return to Rock Band
Well, Allyourbase requested singing from Rock Band, as I mentioned my exploits a bit ago. So here it is. Mind you it was taken from my phone (as I wasn't planning on playing it that day), so it isn't the best quality, and I can't use longer videos because my phone doesn't like to send larger files over mms format.
So without further ado, here is the brief clip of me singing that one Timmy song!
So without further ado, here is the brief clip of me singing that one Timmy song!
Monday, August 18, 2008
The great great grandpappy
So yesterday I was looking into my family history, and I found out my great great grandfather died during the civil war as a confederate soldier. I also found an old will of an older ancestor, confirming that my family most likely owned slaves. (A plantation in South Carolina near 1700, yeah, the means they had slaves right)
My family on my dads side also appears to be some of the first inhabitants of Jamestown, well 20 years after the John Smith/Pocahontas/Rolfe and tobacco discovery, they arrived in 1633.
My mom's side? I'm not too sure. I know one line joined the church around 1833 or so, and that I have a family member who was the only guy to die constructing the temple (maybe I can get some movie rights?) but beyond that, I don't know.
But to sum things up, the family on my dad's side are probably all southern hillbillies (which may not be true, I don't know anyone beyond my aunts and uncles who live in Utah, so I don't know my grandma's siblings or their descendants that still live in Mississippi) and my mom's side are clumsy Utahns. :P
More details forthcoming.
And I am pretty sure I had something else to say, but I don't remember what.
My family on my dads side also appears to be some of the first inhabitants of Jamestown, well 20 years after the John Smith/Pocahontas/Rolfe and tobacco discovery, they arrived in 1633.
My mom's side? I'm not too sure. I know one line joined the church around 1833 or so, and that I have a family member who was the only guy to die constructing the temple (maybe I can get some movie rights?) but beyond that, I don't know.
But to sum things up, the family on my dad's side are probably all southern hillbillies (which may not be true, I don't know anyone beyond my aunts and uncles who live in Utah, so I don't know my grandma's siblings or their descendants that still live in Mississippi) and my mom's side are clumsy Utahns. :P
More details forthcoming.
And I am pretty sure I had something else to say, but I don't remember what.
The religious presidential forum
Some of you may have heard, or maybe watched the presidential religious forum Saturday Night.
For those of you who didn't hear, it was basically a discussion where a pastor asked questions of Barack Obama first, while McCain was supposedly in a cone of silence, and then he asked McCain questions too. I liked it because they weren't competing with each other, and you got to see more about them, their personalities. I should have taken notes, but these were my impressions about how they answered, unadulterated from what political spectators may have said afterwards.
Obama
He answered the questions in a thoughtful way, a little slow, drawn out, but he seemed to be thinking about what he was saying. He also appeared to be more open, that he would accept the views of others.
In terms of abortion I agree more with him than McCain, to where it is more appropriate to where the mother's life is in danger, and also in cases of rape. I like his views of marriage and found interesting his answer to why he wouldn't support a constitutional amendment.
One of the questions was are three of the wisest people that he knows. He answered probably how many of us would answer by saying his grandma, his wife and someone else. So he seemed more personable.
McCain
McCain on the other hand answered the questions quickly, with what I perceived as his way or the highway, that he was already set. Many of his answers seemed like a political promise speech, like he was on the campaign trail. You could see that in comparison with Obama, that he has more of a one track mind, and that the campaign and the presidency is what he is focused on now. I am not saying that that is a bad thing, but neither is it a good thing. He shared a story from when he was in Vietnam, about how he and a captor celebrated Christmas for a few brief moments, and some other stories.
His answer to the wisest people he knew was General Petreus (probably spelling his last name wrong), the CEO of ebay and someone else, so it does show the difference of his mind. You can definitely tell that he is very focused militarily.
From this, I think that both candidates would make good presidents, both would obviously be better than President Bush, and that they both want the best for the country. At the moment I am favoring Obama, because he seems more open, and doesn't appear as narrow minded, or singularly tracked as McCain does. We'll see what happens though.
For those of you who didn't hear, it was basically a discussion where a pastor asked questions of Barack Obama first, while McCain was supposedly in a cone of silence, and then he asked McCain questions too. I liked it because they weren't competing with each other, and you got to see more about them, their personalities. I should have taken notes, but these were my impressions about how they answered, unadulterated from what political spectators may have said afterwards.
Obama
He answered the questions in a thoughtful way, a little slow, drawn out, but he seemed to be thinking about what he was saying. He also appeared to be more open, that he would accept the views of others.
In terms of abortion I agree more with him than McCain, to where it is more appropriate to where the mother's life is in danger, and also in cases of rape. I like his views of marriage and found interesting his answer to why he wouldn't support a constitutional amendment.
One of the questions was are three of the wisest people that he knows. He answered probably how many of us would answer by saying his grandma, his wife and someone else. So he seemed more personable.
McCain
McCain on the other hand answered the questions quickly, with what I perceived as his way or the highway, that he was already set. Many of his answers seemed like a political promise speech, like he was on the campaign trail. You could see that in comparison with Obama, that he has more of a one track mind, and that the campaign and the presidency is what he is focused on now. I am not saying that that is a bad thing, but neither is it a good thing. He shared a story from when he was in Vietnam, about how he and a captor celebrated Christmas for a few brief moments, and some other stories.
His answer to the wisest people he knew was General Petreus (probably spelling his last name wrong), the CEO of ebay and someone else, so it does show the difference of his mind. You can definitely tell that he is very focused militarily.
From this, I think that both candidates would make good presidents, both would obviously be better than President Bush, and that they both want the best for the country. At the moment I am favoring Obama, because he seems more open, and doesn't appear as narrow minded, or singularly tracked as McCain does. We'll see what happens though.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
International conflict with Russia averted
Earlier this afternoon, A suspicious website was discovered, displaying the first few sentences of each of my blog entries. I wasn't sure what it exactly was, as I don't know Russian, but it made me immediately suspicious. I ruled out a crazy Russian fan, as I haven't had any visits from Russia, and it has a .ru extension, I felt fairly safe that it was not someone from within the United States.'
But as military might of the KGB has resurfaced, I thought it was a new threat, that Russia was spying on American Citizens, and quickly I used the google tool to translates tidbits of the page. I wasn't sure what exactly was, but after some conferring with Wally, he said that it was a bot. Which made me even more suspicious, after all, why would someone program a bot to spy on me, like I have anything of worth that the Russians might be interested in. Worries escalated as I heard that Russia was ignoring the cease fire they made with Georgia and thought that maybe the KGB had indeed targeted me.
My worries however abated quickly when hours later I renewed the investigation. I had conferred with a ward friend, code named Natasha, who confirmed Google's translation. As I looked around more on the site, Wally's conjecture proved to be true, as I discovered that it is in fact a Russian search engine.
Yes. So there are two possibilities; the first, and obviously the most crazy, is that it is just a normal search engine. The other possibility is that the search engine is only a front for the KGB to study the lives of American citizens as they prepare to renew the cold war.
But as military might of the KGB has resurfaced, I thought it was a new threat, that Russia was spying on American Citizens, and quickly I used the google tool to translates tidbits of the page. I wasn't sure what exactly was, but after some conferring with Wally, he said that it was a bot. Which made me even more suspicious, after all, why would someone program a bot to spy on me, like I have anything of worth that the Russians might be interested in. Worries escalated as I heard that Russia was ignoring the cease fire they made with Georgia and thought that maybe the KGB had indeed targeted me.
My worries however abated quickly when hours later I renewed the investigation. I had conferred with a ward friend, code named Natasha, who confirmed Google's translation. As I looked around more on the site, Wally's conjecture proved to be true, as I discovered that it is in fact a Russian search engine.
Yes. So there are two possibilities; the first, and obviously the most crazy, is that it is just a normal search engine. The other possibility is that the search engine is only a front for the KGB to study the lives of American citizens as they prepare to renew the cold war.
How it really happened
A co-worker shared this image with me. It is how Warren Jeff's was actually caught. The truth may be surprising.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Twilight Dating Plan
As everyone is probably well aware, many females now want their own female Edward, and are disappointed because guys are not more like him. Instead of deciding to argue at how I perceive the books to be poorly written, I will instead embrace what others want in a man to be the best romantic that I can be. It will be a chance to improve myself.
So first off, We have our subject Edward. Analyzing him physically, we know that he is cold to the touch, extremely hard like concrete, Golden eyes when not hungry, black when hungry (or red if Edward happened to taste human blood). He is super strong, and super fast, and can read most minds, except Bella's (unless she removes her shield thing). He is also super rich. And how can I forget, his skin sparkles in the sunlight and is extremely pale.
So, how to imitate that? Well I suppose I can always bleach my skin super white to match the paleness (or get really really sick), or I can confine myself to living in darkness for a few months. I am not sure how to get my skin super cold, short of a cryogenic accident similar to what occurred to Mr. Freeze, although I can have ice at the ready to make them cold. I am also sure I could looks up ways to not have skin smooth, but unnaturally hard. Maybe cover my body with sandpaper? No problem there. As far as strength goes, going the gym will definitely help. But if movies have taught us anything, is what robotic implements are for, like Will Smith had in I Robot and get super strength that way, or like Bionic woman. I could get bitten by spider in a nuclear power plant too. Speed is also included in those calculations. I don't think I can soon learn to read minds, so I'll have to take a few courses in reading body language and see how that helps. But that also gives me the advantage so I can see how boring the girl I am taking out thinks of me really. As for the car, well, short of robbing a bank or inventing something, my fourteen year old car will have to do. It's certainly not as fast or sturdy, but, I'll work something out. As far as the eye color goes, I am sure contacts can help me there. As far as sparkling skin, maybe there is a soap that will give my skin a sheen, or maybe I can apply wax to it, so the sun reflects of me. I could also try tattooing or gluing glitter ink at various spots in my body to get that affect as well.
That should hopefully get the physical side of Edward down.
Now as far as the romantics goes, going off of memory here, I have to ignore any girl who is friendly to me, even to the extent of shaking in murderous rage to try not to kill her if she is sitting next to me. I will also skip town for a few days with the sole purpose of not wanting to do her bodily harm. I will allow my pale sheen and natural charisma charm other ladies but not be aware of it. I shall also glare at a distance and be on a constant watch for danger to save the fair lady from. I will then make continuous comments on how radiant she is and how she is far more prettier than any other girl, and that it is because she smells like the most tantalizing piece of steak ever made that I pay so much attention to her. Before dating her or really even getting to know her, I will watch her from her window while she sleeps, I will also follow her when she goes out with her friends because I know she is idiotic enough to go out by herself and get attacked.
I will make constant comments about how her life is in danger by being around me, that if I lose my temper or go out of control, I could very easily kill her. I will also ask about every single little fact about her life, as if it is an obsession, but not care that the girl only asks what it is like being different (or a vampire in Edward's case.)
So, I think that has covered everything. If there is something I have missed, let me know, because with this information, I will surely become the ultimate ladies man.
So first off, We have our subject Edward. Analyzing him physically, we know that he is cold to the touch, extremely hard like concrete, Golden eyes when not hungry, black when hungry (or red if Edward happened to taste human blood). He is super strong, and super fast, and can read most minds, except Bella's (unless she removes her shield thing). He is also super rich. And how can I forget, his skin sparkles in the sunlight and is extremely pale.
So, how to imitate that? Well I suppose I can always bleach my skin super white to match the paleness (or get really really sick), or I can confine myself to living in darkness for a few months. I am not sure how to get my skin super cold, short of a cryogenic accident similar to what occurred to Mr. Freeze, although I can have ice at the ready to make them cold. I am also sure I could looks up ways to not have skin smooth, but unnaturally hard. Maybe cover my body with sandpaper? No problem there. As far as strength goes, going the gym will definitely help. But if movies have taught us anything, is what robotic implements are for, like Will Smith had in I Robot and get super strength that way, or like Bionic woman. I could get bitten by spider in a nuclear power plant too. Speed is also included in those calculations. I don't think I can soon learn to read minds, so I'll have to take a few courses in reading body language and see how that helps. But that also gives me the advantage so I can see how boring the girl I am taking out thinks of me really. As for the car, well, short of robbing a bank or inventing something, my fourteen year old car will have to do. It's certainly not as fast or sturdy, but, I'll work something out. As far as the eye color goes, I am sure contacts can help me there. As far as sparkling skin, maybe there is a soap that will give my skin a sheen, or maybe I can apply wax to it, so the sun reflects of me. I could also try tattooing or gluing glitter ink at various spots in my body to get that affect as well.
That should hopefully get the physical side of Edward down.
Now as far as the romantics goes, going off of memory here, I have to ignore any girl who is friendly to me, even to the extent of shaking in murderous rage to try not to kill her if she is sitting next to me. I will also skip town for a few days with the sole purpose of not wanting to do her bodily harm. I will allow my pale sheen and natural charisma charm other ladies but not be aware of it. I shall also glare at a distance and be on a constant watch for danger to save the fair lady from. I will then make continuous comments on how radiant she is and how she is far more prettier than any other girl, and that it is because she smells like the most tantalizing piece of steak ever made that I pay so much attention to her. Before dating her or really even getting to know her, I will watch her from her window while she sleeps, I will also follow her when she goes out with her friends because I know she is idiotic enough to go out by herself and get attacked.
I will make constant comments about how her life is in danger by being around me, that if I lose my temper or go out of control, I could very easily kill her. I will also ask about every single little fact about her life, as if it is an obsession, but not care that the girl only asks what it is like being different (or a vampire in Edward's case.)
So, I think that has covered everything. If there is something I have missed, let me know, because with this information, I will surely become the ultimate ladies man.
Olympic bouts
I found the site to watch all the Olympic coverage. I just watched China win gold in fencing - Saber, and now I am watching the Men's Epee. Also the US Womans Saber team won all three medals for their competition.
The difference between Epee and Saber is that with Saber you can land a hit with the side of the blade, but with Foil and Epee, you have to hit with the point of the blade. And points go usually to whomever has right of way, which is judged by who extends their arm and attacks first.
The difference between Epee and Saber is that with Saber you can land a hit with the side of the blade, but with Foil and Epee, you have to hit with the point of the blade. And points go usually to whomever has right of way, which is judged by who extends their arm and attacks first.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Weekend Recap
I was looking at previous blogs and I realized that I never mentioned which secret organization I joined. Well, I have gone to the Laugh Out Loud comedy group, so now I will be attempting to make people laugh in real life as well.
Practices are pretty much what is seen for the shows, and I believe there is a Laugh Out Load event on the 22nd, but I am unsure if I will be a part of it since I am relatively new.
Also, I disgraced Rock Band Friday Night. I went to a friend's birthday party and in the course of my time there, I was invited to join in on their fun. Now mind you I had never played Rock Band before and have only played Guitar Hero once or twice, so my skills are minimal. Needless to say, as I was doing Guitar on easy, I managed to make the team fail three times before I handed the guitar to someone else. Later, with some trepidation, I went for the vocals part, and managed to get a relatively high score. There are a lot of fun songs too. One that another sang was some punk rock song where in a deep voice you had to sing something about a dude named Timmy. That was funny. I did alright on the drums, wore my throat out on vocals and managed to not completely slaughter the bass and later the guitar part.
I am now addicted to Rock Band and seek more opportunities to play.
I also have watched some of the Olympics. I wish there was a way to select which sport you want to watch though, so you're not stuck watching what the station is covering. I am now looking for video clips of the womans fencing match where the US team won all three medals. If you find it, let me know.
In other news, I am feeling optimistic and hopeful concerning work, school and the future, which is quite odd, as I have usually had a somewhat negative outlook concerning it all. It could be me just being a bit less lazy and procrastinative, but that is yet to be determined.
Practices are pretty much what is seen for the shows, and I believe there is a Laugh Out Load event on the 22nd, but I am unsure if I will be a part of it since I am relatively new.
Also, I disgraced Rock Band Friday Night. I went to a friend's birthday party and in the course of my time there, I was invited to join in on their fun. Now mind you I had never played Rock Band before and have only played Guitar Hero once or twice, so my skills are minimal. Needless to say, as I was doing Guitar on easy, I managed to make the team fail three times before I handed the guitar to someone else. Later, with some trepidation, I went for the vocals part, and managed to get a relatively high score. There are a lot of fun songs too. One that another sang was some punk rock song where in a deep voice you had to sing something about a dude named Timmy. That was funny. I did alright on the drums, wore my throat out on vocals and managed to not completely slaughter the bass and later the guitar part.
I am now addicted to Rock Band and seek more opportunities to play.
I also have watched some of the Olympics. I wish there was a way to select which sport you want to watch though, so you're not stuck watching what the station is covering. I am now looking for video clips of the womans fencing match where the US team won all three medals. If you find it, let me know.
In other news, I am feeling optimistic and hopeful concerning work, school and the future, which is quite odd, as I have usually had a somewhat negative outlook concerning it all. It could be me just being a bit less lazy and procrastinative, but that is yet to be determined.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
And now a message from our sponsors?
Today's blog post is sponsored by Wally, Wally, and Wally Exaggeration Services.
Through the studies of our agents in the W3E Services, it has been confirmed that the female gender of the human species are in fact evil. Studies conclude that association with the female gender may inflict, and are not included to; nervousness, stuttering, decrease in self esteem, anxiety, shyness, awkwardness and male pattern baldness.
The lead researcher and CEO of W3E services has produced a supporting critical hypothesis of those studies and concludes that many, if not all, specimens of the female gender only desire the most handsome of the male gender and treat all other males with disdain or completely ignore them. Such treatment which in some males instill a loathing to associating with the aforementioned females, claims CEO Wally the Third.
Outside sources also cite the recent fanaticism with Twilight as evidence to the hypothesis as many young female specimens wish that they too could be with one of the characters of the book, who is super fast, super strong, and appears to be a sun deprived supermodel that glitters in the sun light, or another character who appears older than he actually is, won't age, is tall, ripped muscles and can shapeshift into a wolf and where the protagonist is frequently ogling the previously mentioned character. Researchers at W3E Services however have not commented as to whether or not they will use Twilight as evidence to further their hypothesis.
It is also rumored that much of the research conducted by W3E Services is taken from the Academic Journals of the Calvin and Hobbes Corporation, changing the findings from girls are icky to girls are evil. Neither company has issued comments in light of those accusations, but stocks have declined significantly for W3E Services even thought they have said they have no plans for forming an all mens organization to exclude females.
As to whether or not this has any bearing on the day to day lives of the average American citizen, is yet to be seen.
Through the studies of our agents in the W3E Services, it has been confirmed that the female gender of the human species are in fact evil. Studies conclude that association with the female gender may inflict, and are not included to; nervousness, stuttering, decrease in self esteem, anxiety, shyness, awkwardness and male pattern baldness.
The lead researcher and CEO of W3E services has produced a supporting critical hypothesis of those studies and concludes that many, if not all, specimens of the female gender only desire the most handsome of the male gender and treat all other males with disdain or completely ignore them. Such treatment which in some males instill a loathing to associating with the aforementioned females, claims CEO Wally the Third.
Outside sources also cite the recent fanaticism with Twilight as evidence to the hypothesis as many young female specimens wish that they too could be with one of the characters of the book, who is super fast, super strong, and appears to be a sun deprived supermodel that glitters in the sun light, or another character who appears older than he actually is, won't age, is tall, ripped muscles and can shapeshift into a wolf and where the protagonist is frequently ogling the previously mentioned character. Researchers at W3E Services however have not commented as to whether or not they will use Twilight as evidence to further their hypothesis.
It is also rumored that much of the research conducted by W3E Services is taken from the Academic Journals of the Calvin and Hobbes Corporation, changing the findings from girls are icky to girls are evil. Neither company has issued comments in light of those accusations, but stocks have declined significantly for W3E Services even thought they have said they have no plans for forming an all mens organization to exclude females.
As to whether or not this has any bearing on the day to day lives of the average American citizen, is yet to be seen.
The opinions expressed herein or statements made in the above column do not necessarily reflect the views of Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM and he accepts no responsibility for failure to recognize the humor, how little there may be, of the above post. Sam retains the right to think that girls are not icky, to hang out or go out with them, however little he may actually use it.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The weekly laugh
Once again XKCD has caused me to laugh. I mean, who knew four individuals could mess up so much doctrine by one simple action.
I wonder if doing that merits going to outer darkness... Sure they're not denying the holy ghost, that's true, but does capturing Him constitute as sinning against the Holy Ghost? I just don't know...
As far as laughs go, Yellow M&M and I (I remembered to use good grammar this time, HA!) were at Bob's house last night. Bob's little sister Siri was being her crazy loveable little girl self that she always is, and was saying crazy things while we attempted conversation in between. So Bob asks Siri who she thought that she (Bob) would marry, and Siri points right at me. That got us laughing pretty well, and then Bob asked Siri who she thought that Yellow M&M would marry. And again I was pointed to.
So without further ado, let it be announced to all the world, through royal decree of the untiring Siri, sister of Bobtheenchantedone, that polygamy has be re-established into the world. There can be no argument, for such trivialities will only be deflected by her child like innocence, that, which combined with her defense, leaves all dumbfounded, speechless and shaking to the point of uncontrollable laughter.
So.. yeah.
In other news, Yellow M&M is fast becoming an expert swordswoman, she's attended the Fencing club a few times and is doing alright. Now for the shameless plug; when the semester starts again in September, Fencing Club is Tuesday nights 7-8:30 in the Wilk, come and learn to fence!
I will also post a picture or two of me in fencing gear, courtesy of M&M.
OH! and Majide is hilarious. A Japanese game show that just ended. Sadness that I missed most of the season.
I wonder if doing that merits going to outer darkness... Sure they're not denying the holy ghost, that's true, but does capturing Him constitute as sinning against the Holy Ghost? I just don't know...
As far as laughs go, Yellow M&M and I (I remembered to use good grammar this time, HA!) were at Bob's house last night. Bob's little sister Siri was being her crazy loveable little girl self that she always is, and was saying crazy things while we attempted conversation in between. So Bob asks Siri who she thought that she (Bob) would marry, and Siri points right at me. That got us laughing pretty well, and then Bob asked Siri who she thought that Yellow M&M would marry. And again I was pointed to.
So without further ado, let it be announced to all the world, through royal decree of the untiring Siri, sister of Bobtheenchantedone, that polygamy has be re-established into the world. There can be no argument, for such trivialities will only be deflected by her child like innocence, that, which combined with her defense, leaves all dumbfounded, speechless and shaking to the point of uncontrollable laughter.
So.. yeah.
In other news, Yellow M&M is fast becoming an expert swordswoman, she's attended the Fencing club a few times and is doing alright. Now for the shameless plug; when the semester starts again in September, Fencing Club is Tuesday nights 7-8:30 in the Wilk, come and learn to fence!
I will also post a picture or two of me in fencing gear, courtesy of M&M.
OH! and Majide is hilarious. A Japanese game show that just ended. Sadness that I missed most of the season.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Tickets begone!
Ok, the tickets have been claimed.
In the meantime, I suffer from all the pizza I ate last night. It caused me to dream that I was the Home Alone kid and tried to fake out the baddies by pretending that I was from some gang and that the baddies were muscling in on the gang's territory. Very weird.
I also have to search for USB port drivers to see if that will get a 5+ year old computer's usb port to work. Maybe I'll just buy a USB pci card for $20, it might be easier. I just wish I knew the model of the computer to know for sure.
In the meantime, I suffer from all the pizza I ate last night. It caused me to dream that I was the Home Alone kid and tried to fake out the baddies by pretending that I was from some gang and that the baddies were muscling in on the gang's territory. Very weird.
I also have to search for USB port drivers to see if that will get a 5+ year old computer's usb port to work. Maybe I'll just buy a USB pci card for $20, it might be easier. I just wish I knew the model of the computer to know for sure.
Monday, August 4, 2008
The big 5-0 - and a prize at the end, just like a box of cereal!
A lone man trecked up a hill, not knowing the way. The way was dark, the pathway was unclear. As he neared the top, the first glimmers of light began to appear, and the lone man could see some kind of formation near the top of the hill.
As he got closer, the sun began rise more, but the formation was still difficult to make out, and how it appeared, it only made him all the more interested.
A few more minutes passed by while he struggled up the slope, and as he neared the top, the sun burst forth from the horizon. The lone man looked up, and to his amazement, the formation perfectly formed a number, the number 50 to be exact. The lone man took a look back, and then a look forward. Seeing that there was still terrain to cover, he took his journey again...
Yes, that is right, I have now hit the big 50! Also there is a special giveaway; you see how I mentioned those Emerson Drive tickets last post? Well I am giving them away to attend a friend's jazz gig thing. It is two tickets, and the concert starts at 7:00 pm, 11400 South 2200 West - South Jordan/Riverton area. It is a county fair type deal and I am guessing it is outdoors and you may need a blanket. You can call for more information at the number listed on the website.
Anways, the first person to post a comment with their email or some way I can get a hold of them will get the tickets. And remember, I am in Provo, so if you live near salt lake for example, you may be expected to drive part of the way to get the tickets. Have at it!
As he got closer, the sun began rise more, but the formation was still difficult to make out, and how it appeared, it only made him all the more interested.
A few more minutes passed by while he struggled up the slope, and as he neared the top, the sun burst forth from the horizon. The lone man looked up, and to his amazement, the formation perfectly formed a number, the number 50 to be exact. The lone man took a look back, and then a look forward. Seeing that there was still terrain to cover, he took his journey again...
Yes, that is right, I have now hit the big 50! Also there is a special giveaway; you see how I mentioned those Emerson Drive tickets last post? Well I am giving them away to attend a friend's jazz gig thing. It is two tickets, and the concert starts at 7:00 pm, 11400 South 2200 West - South Jordan/Riverton area. It is a county fair type deal and I am guessing it is outdoors and you may need a blanket. You can call for more information at the number listed on the website.
Anways, the first person to post a comment with their email or some way I can get a hold of them will get the tickets. And remember, I am in Provo, so if you live near salt lake for example, you may be expected to drive part of the way to get the tickets. Have at it!
You think I would have gone home on another weekend...
As I may have mentioned, I went home for the weekend. Friday night my mom, brother and me went to the Jordan River Temple, if I can get those pictures soon, I will post them. My brother is excited to go to the MTC in a month or so, so that's good and he is seriously doing some preparing. 50 minute a day scripture reading and what not, so yeah, beware Chicago.
On the flip side, I picked an unfortunate weekend to come home because Breaking Dawn came out and my sister is one of those fanatics who insist that Bells and Eddie (I see no need to call them by their full names) are in love because, well they are, goshdangit!
So we frequently have discussions about it, about them all being Mary Sues and all.
As for my part, I don't care that the books are out there, or that my sister likes to read them. I have read books just for fun that didn't have any message, but just read to read, like the Boxcar Children or Animorphs (years and years ago). But what I get is level of fanaticism that the series is receiving, both from the foaming at the mouth fans (sorry if you are one) and all the reviews it receives from New York Times and what not. I mean, it's not very well written, the characters don't develop nor is there much of a plot. I am not going to rant about it, there are other blogs that do so and are funny.
Lets just leave it at that I don't think that the Twilight Series is as good a series that everyone claims it is. From what I have heard about Breaking Dawn is that Eddie nor Jacob fight each other or dies (except more strange stuff that I won't go into) nor do they get into a tussle with the Voltari. I have heard that it comes pretty close, but not close enough. Sadness.
Of course the book only confirms that Bells wants Eddie for his body and nothing else. Ending Twilight Rant.
So, Also some Hobby Game store opened up Saturday and had a mini competition that my friend Brian told me about. It's about 5600 west, 2739 south or so, it is a little difficult to find, but it is near Bajio or some Mexican Restaurant. Anyways, they had a small Settlers of Katan game, to six points, which I won, and later a Ticket to Ride game which I didn't do so well in. But those participating were entered into a drawing to win a gift certificate for their store, which I found out Saturday night that I won, and will probably pick it up Friday or so.
Also a radio station person, KBull I think, was there and were giving out tickets to an Emerson Drive/Charlie Jenkins concert thing in South Jordan Wednesday night.
So I believe that is all for now. Tune in next time I suppose.
On the flip side, I picked an unfortunate weekend to come home because Breaking Dawn came out and my sister is one of those fanatics who insist that Bells and Eddie (I see no need to call them by their full names) are in love because, well they are, goshdangit!
So we frequently have discussions about it, about them all being Mary Sues and all.
As for my part, I don't care that the books are out there, or that my sister likes to read them. I have read books just for fun that didn't have any message, but just read to read, like the Boxcar Children or Animorphs (years and years ago). But what I get is level of fanaticism that the series is receiving, both from the foaming at the mouth fans (sorry if you are one) and all the reviews it receives from New York Times and what not. I mean, it's not very well written, the characters don't develop nor is there much of a plot. I am not going to rant about it, there are other blogs that do so and are funny.
Lets just leave it at that I don't think that the Twilight Series is as good a series that everyone claims it is. From what I have heard about Breaking Dawn is that Eddie nor Jacob fight each other or dies (except more strange stuff that I won't go into) nor do they get into a tussle with the Voltari. I have heard that it comes pretty close, but not close enough. Sadness.
Of course the book only confirms that Bells wants Eddie for his body and nothing else. Ending Twilight Rant.
So, Also some Hobby Game store opened up Saturday and had a mini competition that my friend Brian told me about. It's about 5600 west, 2739 south or so, it is a little difficult to find, but it is near Bajio or some Mexican Restaurant. Anyways, they had a small Settlers of Katan game, to six points, which I won, and later a Ticket to Ride game which I didn't do so well in. But those participating were entered into a drawing to win a gift certificate for their store, which I found out Saturday night that I won, and will probably pick it up Friday or so.
Also a radio station person, KBull I think, was there and were giving out tickets to an Emerson Drive/Charlie Jenkins concert thing in South Jordan Wednesday night.
So I believe that is all for now. Tune in next time I suppose.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Adrift
Adrift...
He didn't remember when it happened
Or why he left the current
Nor did he know why he was alone
when others passed him by
He didn't like the feeling
But neither did he shout
For there was no impediment
That blocked others from helping
For many would have come
If he'd just been willing...
He just sat there in his canoe
Staring at the others passing
Or at anything at all
wondering why he was still there
Nothing blocked his way
He certainly was able
He had the strength to come this far
And still the strength to continue
But yet he stayed there in the shallows
The only thing stopping him, was himself
Sometimes he mustered the courage
to force himself into the current
But he had not been there long
When he soon became discouraged
And floated back to the shallows
Where he again watched others pass him by
He knew what needed to be done
What was expected of him from above
His heart pointed him the way
But his body did follow
Though his head understood it well
It failed to garner the will
To join the others passing by
Even knowing full well
That he'd find happiness there
Day by day he floating down the river
Exercising the most minimal of effort
Even forced a happy bravado when others came too near
Though on the inside he was quite the opposite
Many things he tried
But not long enough to work
He grew to loathe the shallows
And soon himself for staying
But could not make him leave for long
For it was easy to stay there
He didn't know why he tarried
He didn't see the point
Nor could he join the others
Though he couldn't say why
As he tarried in the water
He looked ahead to those he know
And though he longed to join them
He didn't desire the journey
And soon didn't know what he wanted
And till this day he floats
Looking forward and backward
But more towards the back
lamenting the journey, or lack thereof
Thinking that if he knew what he wanted
He'd be on his merry way
But did nothing to correct it
And still floats along
Missing life at its fullest
Until others described what they saw
And he longed to to go back and see
But that was not possible
Which caused further inner anguish
And more floating on still waters
One can only wonder when he'll leave
One can only wonder when he'll begins to paddle
But others cannot help him
Though they gladly would attempt it
And though he knows he has all he needs to leave
He simply will not use it
And until he does
He will not experience
All the joys to be seen
As he travels down the river.
- Me
He didn't remember when it happened
Or why he left the current
Nor did he know why he was alone
when others passed him by
He didn't like the feeling
But neither did he shout
For there was no impediment
That blocked others from helping
For many would have come
If he'd just been willing...
He just sat there in his canoe
Staring at the others passing
Or at anything at all
wondering why he was still there
Nothing blocked his way
He certainly was able
He had the strength to come this far
And still the strength to continue
But yet he stayed there in the shallows
The only thing stopping him, was himself
Sometimes he mustered the courage
to force himself into the current
But he had not been there long
When he soon became discouraged
And floated back to the shallows
Where he again watched others pass him by
He knew what needed to be done
What was expected of him from above
His heart pointed him the way
But his body did follow
Though his head understood it well
It failed to garner the will
To join the others passing by
Even knowing full well
That he'd find happiness there
Day by day he floating down the river
Exercising the most minimal of effort
Even forced a happy bravado when others came too near
Though on the inside he was quite the opposite
Many things he tried
But not long enough to work
He grew to loathe the shallows
And soon himself for staying
But could not make him leave for long
For it was easy to stay there
He didn't know why he tarried
He didn't see the point
Nor could he join the others
Though he couldn't say why
As he tarried in the water
He looked ahead to those he know
And though he longed to join them
He didn't desire the journey
And soon didn't know what he wanted
And till this day he floats
Looking forward and backward
But more towards the back
lamenting the journey, or lack thereof
Thinking that if he knew what he wanted
He'd be on his merry way
But did nothing to correct it
And still floats along
Missing life at its fullest
Until others described what they saw
And he longed to to go back and see
But that was not possible
Which caused further inner anguish
And more floating on still waters
One can only wonder when he'll leave
One can only wonder when he'll begins to paddle
But others cannot help him
Though they gladly would attempt it
And though he knows he has all he needs to leave
He simply will not use it
And until he does
He will not experience
All the joys to be seen
As he travels down the river.
- Me
Double Teamed Tag
Well it appears that both Yellow M&M and Giovanni has tagged me in another chain blog entry thing, so here we go!
Apparently this one has some rules, or as some pirates would say, guidelines. They go from listing those who tagged you, and a rule stating you have to put the rules down in the blog as well? That's repetitious. Once done you then have to tag 6 people by mentioning it at end, or whenever and by commenting in their blogs that they are tagged. I think it sort of ironic that the rules are this long and probably are longer than the six random things about myself that I am supposed to list. Anyways, on to business!
1) I finished a book today
2) My favorite Spanish/Mexican tongue twister is Parangaricutirimicuaro
3) I am headed home this weekend
4) My Co-Workers seem to think, or at least joke about, me being somewhat of a ladies man
5) I am Surprised I thought of D&C 130 when Yello M&M asked for scripture dealing with the first article of Faith.
6) I feel apathetic at the moment...
Anywho, on to the tagging. Chilly, Alan, The Giant, Bismark (Just because I can though I doubt you will you do so.), Bob - and I know you ignored my last one too, but here's to having a great weekend camping! - and... Fred!
I am going to bend the rules and tag a few readers whose blogs I don't know about. SWKT, Allyourbase - you both are tagged. No complaining. I would like to read your blogs though regardless. Also I am tagging the reader from Sylvania Ohio and you there, from Woods Cross, you are chosen too! No hiding now. There's no escaping... Well obviously there is, but at least give some input.
On a final note I like how blogger checks the html code I place in. Neat.
Apparently this one has some rules, or as some pirates would say, guidelines. They go from listing those who tagged you, and a rule stating you have to put the rules down in the blog as well? That's repetitious. Once done you then have to tag 6 people by mentioning it at end, or whenever and by commenting in their blogs that they are tagged. I think it sort of ironic that the rules are this long and probably are longer than the six random things about myself that I am supposed to list. Anyways, on to business!
1) I finished a book today
2) My favorite Spanish/Mexican tongue twister is Parangaricutirimicuaro
3) I am headed home this weekend
4) My Co-Workers seem to think, or at least joke about, me being somewhat of a ladies man
5) I am Surprised I thought of D&C 130 when Yello M&M asked for scripture dealing with the first article of Faith.
6) I feel apathetic at the moment...
Anywho, on to the tagging. Chilly, Alan, The Giant, Bismark (Just because I can though I doubt you will you do so.), Bob - and I know you ignored my last one too, but here's to having a great weekend camping! - and... Fred!
I am going to bend the rules and tag a few readers whose blogs I don't know about. SWKT, Allyourbase - you both are tagged. No complaining. I would like to read your blogs though regardless. Also I am tagging the reader from Sylvania Ohio and you there, from Woods Cross, you are chosen too! No hiding now. There's no escaping... Well obviously there is, but at least give some input.
On a final note I like how blogger checks the html code I place in. Neat.
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