Thursday, December 10, 2009

Early Morning Ramblings

You know what? I am guilty of being a typical BYU male student. I plead guilty. I thought I avoided it, yet I have fallen into that pitfall that comes from living at BYU.

I mean the social aspect of it. Yes, the ward set up is a good way to encourage being social, to get out more often and not be solely a slave to homework. But how often do we actually become friends with those people in our ward?

Maybe I am just more jaded, maybe I am older and less naive, but honestly, how many of us are only friends with some people because we are in the same ward? Honestly? People move out, you move out, and how often do you keep in contact with them? How often do you say hi? Yes, there is facebook where you might be facebook friends, but that does not count at all unless you comment on that person's profile on a semi-regular basis. How much of our interactions with people in our ward is the mandatory "hey, what's up", or just checking out the dating scene?

Sadly to say, that with me, that checking out the dating scene and being minimally friendly makes up most of my interactions with people in the ward. Do I go out of my way to say hi, to try and converse? A little. Do I hang out with some of them? Yeah. But only because we happen to be in the same ward. Because we were grouped together.

And so I act differently cause I don't really know them, cause none of us have gone out of our way to pierce through the "ward buddies" bubble and become real friends. But yet when I drive out to Salt Lake to hang out with people I have known for years, I am able to be myself, joke around more, stuff that I don't do down at Provo cause I then am portrayed as creepy.

So it is early. I had a great night just hanging and chilling with my friends. We went to Temple square, hung out, had hot chocolate, talked of a million things, had plenty of sexual innuendo (A couple of friends are married to each other, it happens. A lot) and I enjoy myself. Even with the jests, the sarcasm, we have known each other long enough in some aspects that it is just a part of our friendship. Heck, there is an awesome super cute girl who I have known for only four or five months that I am greater friends with than I will ever be with most, if any, of the girls in my ward. That may sound harsh, but it is true. Because as BYU students, maybe Mormon Single Adults, marriage comes first, with dating carefully concealing it, and then friendship after grades.

Here? Well I'm nervous cause I don't know anyone. There's whole entire byu dating atmosphere to deal with, because practically everyone is trying to get married and being just friends does not cut it.

So, I repent. I am not going to have this be a journey where I look for a spouse only. That is not what I signed up for. Yes, when I eventually find a wife, she's going to be my best friend, but that does not mean I am going to leave everyone else I knew behind. That does mean I am going to throw away relationships and stop being friendly to people cause we are no longer in the same ward. It does mean I have to step up and be friendlier, and hang out more with people. It may mean I have to be blunt with some girls and tell them I'm not looking to get married to them. I just want to be their friend beyond this ward. It may turn some girls absolutely off, considering this is a strange alien concept, but it will have to be done.

Anyways, I'm tired. Mostly physically cause it is two in the morning, but that is my resolve, to be more human towards people and less of a typical dating BYU male. And if I get shunned, then so be it.

And I apologize for being all over the place with my thoughts. I'm tired. I may edit for clarity later.


TechieGirl said...

Well observed. I too made this realization a while back. I had four really great friends marry each other, and it wasn't until they left the single's branch that I realized they were the only people I had made friends with. I still do things with them frequently, but I've put forth more of an effort to make friends in the branch so that I'm not only there because we all happen to live in the same boundaries. It's sad that as members we breed this culture, but we do. Glad you came to this epiphany. It will do wonders for you, I promise.

Amanda said...

you really should come to Utah State, there are more girls like me who just want friends right now, not looking to get married for at least five more years, although I'm twenty and most of my high school girl friends are married, ugh.

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Utah State... Well the CS program looks almost like BYU's. USU has more emphasis at least but less CS courses to choose from... :(

So probably not, though the offer is tempting.

Techie: Yeah, I'm going to be more friendly social, which means less time flirting with you all on Twitter. ;)

Thank goodness I can always escape to Salt Lake to chill with friends there.

Alexandria said...

Um...does this mean you are calling our wedding off? Can I still move in with you and we can listen to 'I Love My Lips' together?

Being social is always a good thing! It is so weird I would have never pegged you as a 'shy' kind of guy...but then again I only know you via the interwebs!

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Alexandria: You are certainly not of the Provo dating dynamic, so I would say that everything is as on as before. And yes, we can always listen to "I love my lips" together.

CarrieBradshaw* said...

How refreshing to hear a BYU student claim he's not looking to get married ASAP! It's exhausting watching everyone get hitched in a matter of months. Our life journey has so many possibilities before marriage you just can't experience when you're married! You have given me faith not all BYU students are creepy maybe I should give some of them a chance ;)

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

I've been off my mission for a titch over two years now, having escaped twice the "we've dated for two months, let's get married now" situations. They were awesome girls, I just was and am not ready to get married yet.

And you should give them a chance!