Friday, October 10, 2008

The True Value of Friendship

First off, some random things I would like to say;
1. To all those I complained to about the bailout bill, I am unfortunately right. The bailout bill didn't work and a lot of money was flushed down the tubes. I also think that the government investing in banks is also a bad idea.

2. Giant, I also have some words for you: "I'll get you my pretty, and your flying mount too!" Quit lallygagging and come down to Provo already. You know you want to. Do it. Do it now!

3. What is the best way to seduce a member of a certain death squad? Ask them to watch a murder with you of course. This rendezvous should prove extremely helpful in my plans to take over the world. Of course I still need to announce my candidacy for the 2024 presidential election, assuming there is still a nation to lead by then. Also, Yellow M&M will be the one who will determine how much of your paychecks, if any, you all will get. So I suggest bribing her now so she remembers you when I unite the world under my iron fist.

Now onto the main rant thing...
You see, I have this situation with some friends, or some people I thought were friends. Maybe it is not a big deal but I think about this every so often and I figure I might as well post how I feel. I am probably completely in the wrong and probably don't understand an ounce of this. But I just need to get this off my chest. Now you all know, I am prone to do and say stupid things; such as create a secondary account on some message board, attack myself and alienate others by denying it and other related incidents. That's just the biggest thing recently, for example. In another incident involving some friends named Julie, Amanda, Peter, Nadia and of course Forrest. (The same Forrest who i mentioned a couple weeks back that ranted about girls and such)
Anyways, Julie and I chat a lot and she introduced me to Peter and he is a cool guy. Now as many of you know, I am far too silly and say things off the top of my head, things I wouldn't normally say in real life because I am not that witty in real life nor generally that outgoing and thus keep my thoughts to myself.
Well unfortunately for me, and for Julie too probably, I was discussing a situation and I was going over any and every possibility that came to mind. I apparently came off as serious when thinking about those ideas and just annoyed Julie. Now I admit to my mistake; maybe I am just too friendly, too trusting, I don't know. Anyways, due to some other things I said, Julie was offended, but still kept talking to me, but before I believe the dust could settle, she accused me of maintaining the same attitude and now refuses to talk with me. It has been a while now and I miss talking with her. I'll live though, I suppose. Now Peter got involved, and before we chatted ok, but now even after apologizing and being forgiven, it seems we are worlds apart and that we can't even hold a conversation. So there is that.
Now we all have a common friend, Amanda. She's awesome and we got along great. I thought of her as one of my closer friends, but after that gaff incident, things were understandably a little tense between us, and it seems like I am the only one who has tried to maintain the friendship. Since we are close friends, I have supported her in her various activities and enjoyed hanging out with her, but apparently others are making things out to be greater than what the actually are, and she thinks I have feelings for her and thus is uncomfortable with the idea of being close friends.
This was all brought about by me asking if things were cool between as friends because it seemed odd to me that we were becoming distanced even more, especially after the gaff incident. To me it seems funny that she is uncomfortable with the prospect of me having feelings for her, even though I believe I have not been portraying that attitude of wanting to date her. Frankly I don't want to date anyone seriously at the moment and I thought she knew that. That and she only has that idea from other people have said, rumors. I even told her that I didn't like, didn't have feelings for her like that, but after the gaff incident, who knows if she believes me or not. So you can see why I am a bit frustrated. Additionally, even if I did have feelings for her, it's not like I was going to act on it. If I supposedly liked her before this came up and I did nothing about it, who says I would act on it later? That is the thing, I value our friendship too much, I value talking to her her and being called out on how I act to risk it all on a relationship that is fated to end in disaster and breakup.

And there is Nadia who has brushed all this off and we are still as good friends, if not better. Maybe there is a bias because I tell she likes me? I dunno. But she's been there for me and is a great friend. I don't see anything happening either, and that's just because I am not wanting to get into a serious relationship. At all (and other things too). But what mystifies me is that there seems to be a dual standard, that I can maintain my friendship with Nadia, even though she likes me, and not have things be weird between us, but yet between Amanda and me, she gets to feel all uncomfortable because of what others think I feel. It seems sort of one sided to me. Yes I know all people are different and maybe this is her protecting herself? I don't know. I wish I understood. A friend advised in this issue to just block her and ignore her for a bit, but that seems like a recipe to further deteriorate our friendship. It's a lose lose situation I suppose,But the point of the matter is that I haven't pressed, asked or done anything to even hint at going from friends to something more and she gets to feel all weird.
And last of all there is Forrest, he is one of the kookiest and most honest guys I know, (I still thinks he can be more blunt with instead of his veiled words, bah I say! bah!) and I have done and said stupid things and we're still good friends.

So where does this leave us? I wish I knew. Maybe more time is just required to mend all this, but it seems to get worse with time. I am just saddened that such friendship is being held off at arms length, especially my friendship with Amanda since it is only rumors that are influencing her decision to be more like acquaintances.
I am also not saying I am infallible in all this mess, but I just think if people don't want to be friends anymore, especially when I fear a verbal lambasting for posting on Julies blog, then they should say it. It may sound hypocritical of me to say this after all this, but isn't there some room for honesty here?
Anyways feel free to prove me wrong in all this though. A little input is always nice, whether through the comments or through chat.

So what am I going to do you ask? I think I'll get a hair cut.

Addendum: I may have to live under a rock next week, so if I don't surface next Saturday, send a search party.

1 comment:

yellow m&m said...

I accept paypal, checks, cash, dates, chocolate, compliments, personal slave requests, cheesecake, pretty much any dessert....

Also, I think that you are trying your best, and that girls over analyze everything. Usually you need to put things in bold letters, capatalized, and neon green before a girl can know for certain what you're saying is how you really feel.