Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Chicken Soup For the Soul? Try Irradiation for the Soul!

Warning: This post is found to be high in blasphemy. Any desire to pick up large rocks and hurl them at the author is ill advised; for it would probably hurt.

This is an actual conversation, based on actual stuff.
For context, we were discussing the end of the world, and the most logical thing to precede it; the 2008 presidential elections. So I ranted, Yellow M&M listened to my mad ravings. Good fun. We pick up the conversation here:
Yellow M&M: "I just have to remember not to lose hope..."

Now sensing that she was pained from my insane rantings, I decided to try and console her through that thing we call 'humor'.

Me: "Well, the bright side is, if Obama becomes president, we won't have new nuclear plants that might meltdown and irradiate our souls..."
M&M: "Wait, how can you irradiate the soul?"
Me: "Hmmn.. good question."
M&M: "Well I guess you can since the body and the spirit make up the soul."
Me: "By Golly, you're right! It'd be the next new thing too! Irradiated spirits!"
M&M: "..."
Me: "Think of it, everything is created spiritually too, right? So that means nuclear waste, or the concept of it at the very least, exists in spirit form. If it exists in spirit form, then our spirits are in as much danger as our bodies when it comes to being exposed to nuclear radiation."
M&M: Much laughter.
Me: "Do you know what this means? It means Satan wouldn't know what to do! He's been too busy trying to corrupt our spirits through conventional means such as sinning, that he may be blown away by this new concept! Why get someone to smoke when you can irradiate their spirits with spiritual radiation and their spirit suddenly has three or more arms?"

And then the conversation ended as I dropped her off at her house...

But think of it! Spiritual radiation! The possibilities are endless! Would the changes affect our bodies too? Would only our spirits be affected? Would our spirits be able to leave the body temporarily, maybe become a spiritual super hero? Would our spirits then be able to literally crush Satan's spiritual head? How would we repent from being irradiated? Does the atonement cure spiritual radiation?
Also, what would happen to Satan if he became exposed to this spiritual radiation? Would his spirit transform from the hateful spirit shell of a man to some horrid creature that is a reflection of the hatred and spite in his heart? Would that make a new category of villain since Satan is already the arch-nemesis of our souls? Would that be the sign of apocalypse? Maybe such irradiation would transform his spirit into a hollow shell of a real body filled with anger and malice.

So many questions... So much blasphemy.
In the meantime, watch all news channels for a guy trying to channel the spiritual core of spent uranium rods. With any luck, my spirit will have a third arm and wood leg named pete. Maybe a spiritual alter ego too that fights crime. That'd be awesome.

Just think on that will you...

1 comment:

yellow m&m said...

I love this one:

M&M: "..."

Does that mean I said "dot dot dot"?

Much laughter. :^D