Monday, March 29, 2010

A Confession

I am not a crook!

Well, apart from that at least a couple people have asked me about me ratting out Mormon Bachelor Pad. I figured I wouldn't respond, cause I had school and other important stuff to do And then a couple of people asked me about it, and more are probably wondering. Also, I am procrastinating already, so might as well be productive about my wasted time, right?

Anyways, to be clear, I am not the person who revealed to the 500 readers of Mormon Bachelor Pad, but if I was, this is how I would have revealed them(Strikeouts are what I would take out, Italics are what I would put in. It is up to you if it is sarcastic or not):

I first came across this blog a few months ago, back in November and I thought it was an pretty novel awesome idea: two guys who claim to be roommates that write about their various dating escapades and adventures living as young, single, recently returned missionaries. who say they have returned recently from their missions and rediscover themselves in the Mormon world of dating, being a single mormon guy and pushing the chastity line, while having no shame about it. In their stories, they talk about topics such as “horizontal make-outs,” “define the relationship (DTR) talks,” scales of attraction, and other slightly more taboo subjects for young single adults of the LDS faith. "expose" what the typical Mormon guy thinks and does, even at the risk of infuriating many typical LDS women by their supposed behavior, while gaining hundreds of readers and hilarious comments.
I thought the blog was funny and entertaining was entertained by the blog, more-so by the comments though, and though I didn't found find myself relating terribly to some of the situations and stories they described, I still read it. They wrote without fear about some of the things that we, as men, often think about women, but should never say in front of them. Anyways, what and how they wrote often led to the inciting of many of their readers, obviously done for the attention and the laughs. This led to hundreds of responses from readers (mostly women) that were as entertaining, if not more so, than the posts themselves. There quickly became a division among the readers—those who defended the writers for being cool, funny, laid-back Mormon guys, and those who hated them for being typical, disrespectful, chauvinistic men. But the best comments were the comment wars that sparked from nothing and grew to be hilarious. Even I found myself pulled in and participating.
So, even though I felt a little out of place, I would occasionally visited read the blog to catch up when Google Reader showed an update and to have a few laughs. I maintained this activity as a guilty pleasure, except not, since I did enjoy reading them. Since becoming a reader of their blog I came to know some of the women they flirted with routinely. After some time, I knew I needed to get in on the publicity and have girls fawning desperately over me and nonstop flirting. knew that most (probably 85%) of their readers are women. I became aware that many people questioned whether the blog was real, and even more girls wanted to know who these awesome, funny guys were (presumably to “jump their bones”). The writers addressed the issue by claiming they needed anonymity in order to “protect” the other people involved. I knew I had to join them. And to join them, I had to find them out.
I began to read discovered another blog called “Expose the Mormon Bachelor Pad”, which sought to discover (and presumably expose) the writers’ identities. Anonymous comments were left with varying theories, which I responded to, links to facebook profiles, and even anecdotal encounters; Of course, nearly all of these theories were based on the assumption assuming that the characters’ Jake and Calvin's basic information was correct. This, of course led the majority of the sleuths down completely wrong paths, and even probably helped MBP out in some ways. However, There it was discovered that the writers had formed an LLC, a small company of their own based off the blog. The temptation to join them was too sweet to resist. liked to shop on the company dime, and even had a lawyer.
It became apparent to me that there was a business objective here. However, I could not tell whether the blog was real, and the writers later decided to make some profit (why not?), or whether the entire site was fabricated to generate income. I’m still not sure if the writers realized in the beginning how popular their blog would become. In revealing their identities, I do not wish to frustrate their business plans. I’m sure that they will continue to write as wittily and to be as creative as they have been in the past. If they continue to write well, people will continue to read. They seem to have a cult following that would believe their every word, and some of those people probably won’t even believe that I’m right about them. Was it obvious there was money to be made? Heck yes. And though I expose them, it does me no pleasure to do so. I just want in on the gravy train. Hopefully by revealing who they are, they will let me join them. I don't care who believes me, I just want to be recognized by them for knowing who they are, for getting a piece of the moolah. I just want those fanatic followers of hot young girls. Is that too much to ask for?!
After I had discovered the characters’ true identities, I left a couple of innocent comments announcing that fact, and only included their real first names. I congratulated them for being such great writers and offered to joing them, to let me in on it, and to "move in" on the blog. We would have been like the Three Musketeers on the blog. Unfortunately those comments were never published, since they began moderating them some time ago. Since they wouldn’t offer me even that tiny bit of credit, or the girls or the cash, I decided to write this and expose them. I think that people deserve to know that what they are reading is fiction. If you want to continue to believe that MBP is real, and that “Jake” or “Calvin” is your future eternal companion, I suggest that you stop reading now. Otherwise, may the truth set you free. Oh, and please buy a shirt from them, because they deserve it, if only for pulling it all off. Cause that is the only way I will get some of the money, if I sell shirts for them.
I will not go into the details about how I discovered the identities of the authors, but I will say that it was merely by luck after trolling around on facebook for hours and hours and hours and not by any sinister (or illegal) means. After noticing several connections and coincidences, I was able to identify them based on their personal (but public) blogs and profiles. Once I show you the evidence, you will see how easy it was to tie them to MBP. Everything I know has been gleaned from those sources, so I might be mistaken on some points. But despite everything being circumstantial, I will stick to my guns. Live or die, I want some of that money. And so what I write is the truth, if only circumstantial Also, I have not been able to tell whether there really are two writers, or if both characters are written by the same person (which would be “Jake”). In either case, it appears that “Calvin” is, at the very least, based on a real person. Please ignore the previous struck out text, it is only so I have plausible deniability about revealing "Jake" and "Calvin" to the world, so I am not sued for libel.
So let me take a minute to point out the most circumstantial evidence of how they may be one and the same. Jake and John like soccer, and they're from the same area thereabouts too. Plus he and Cameron both served in the same mission in the UK. I bet no other missionaries from the UK ever became best friends. And look, Cameron and Calvin are both from Ogden. Pretty suspicious if you ask me.
And I will also post these links that are currently blocked... hmmn, I sure hope that I am not John or Cameron privatizing said blogs to make things seem suspicious to gain attention to my own works. I wouldn't do that. No. Not in the slightest...

That is what I would write, if I really wanted to expose the Mormon Bachelor Pad. Or would have started writing. It actually turned out to be a piece mocking the accuser's site, especially when I saw that the blogs linked to are now available to be viewed. But honestly, I was taken in by these shallow arguments too. Does it matter to me who Jake and Calvin really are? Not really. Maybe they're the same people, or maybe John and Cameron wrote that blog themselves to gain more viewers. Or a combination of factors, which could be the case.

So, Jake and Calvin, perhaps you are John and Cameron, perhaps you aren't. Either way, I feel like an idiot for believing those arguments. Honestly, the only reason I believed them was because your twitter account was deleted, your facebook profile and fanpage didn't allow comments and were deactivated, and you temporarily disallowed comments on you blog. So, all in all, it is probably a ploy to get people to believe that you are them, or they are you. Doesn't matter. I have enough to get done to be bothered by all this.

I feel more of an idiot writing this blog post.
Oh well.
At least it is an update. John and Cameron got what they wanted. More viewers, and attention. Jake and Calvin stirred things up like normal and their identities are still in question. They win too, especially if separate people.

Anyways, continue at life. I am just gullible. That is all.


Katie said...

Well said my friend. It is unfortunate it wasn't you...It would have been done in a far more tactful way.

Anonymous said...

yes, I totally thought it was you that revealed them too. but even though the links work now, isn't it strange that all of the youtube videos from this site: no longer work and that they have reactions to what people are saying about the blog on the sidebar just like MBP? not to mention the fact that their personal blogs have suddenly gone private? I also thought it was strange that blazzer is a follower of john's private blog.

anyways, the whole thing is still pretty entertaining, so who really cares right?

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

Is it strange? Not really. No. Look at how Jake and Calvin write, to rile people up. They too think all the comments that go on are hilarious, they eat it up.

They now have over 150 comments on their "revealed" post. As such, John and Cameron have not commented on this. So this either means that either MBP exposed themselves because it would be hilarious, and to get attention to their videos, or they are in cahoots with John and Cameron.

Either way, Jake and Calvin are in on it. But yes, it is entertaining.