Just A Little Random

Once upon a June eve, someone shared with me an image from a blog. A simple message really. Nothing convoluted. Just what was felt. Over a year later, I now feel the same. And in a fit of randomness since I hardly post, I share this image here:

Reality

What is reality?
A concrete substance? An unchangeable fact?

Or merely a perception of one's mind eye to the world?
How oft has reality changed?

The reality of battle?
The reality of the possible?
The speed of a computer?

Or even the perception that you are right?
Or the opinion on how events in history folded out?

But as with the computer, the speed and graphics thereof
Reality can change in the blink of an eye.

The reality of what you know you thought to be true;
The perception of reality of how events passed.

But is reality really reality if it changes so easily?
Or maybe the definition we hold of reality is not really so.

Winds change, seas rise, friends come and go.
But the one thing that has ever held true for me,
though many a time denied,
the one constant that has been reality for me...

Is how much I am idiot,
and how idiocy is achieved each day
through new glorious and un-thought of means.

Pirates

Today I would like to compare some aspects of life to life on the high seas as a pirate.

Take the pirate captain, while he controls the helm, steers the ship and in general leads or guides the ship; he has to worry about the welfare of the crew. He has to know when they're worried, scared, upset, and happy. If he ignores them, they mutiny. He knows this. And thus he works with the crew, allays and soothes their fears. He does not express to his crew his worries, how he feels, cause his feelings would then ripple and spiral out of control with the crew. Despite how he may feel, he has to appear confident, he has to do what he can to appear without fear, or at least brave enough to conquer those fears. He has to do so in order to have the best unity and functionality of the ship. So they can pillage all sorts of booty. And the crew? They don't necessarily want to know what is going through the mind of the captain or how he feels. Sure, they say they want to know, but their mood, thoughts, and feelings come before his. Such is the way of life aboard a pirate ship.

And, in many instances, such is life.

A Moment, Paused for Eternity

The rhythmic breathing. Steady. Sure.
Fallen asleep in his arms. Peaceful.
Enjoying a moment of eternity.

He awake, wondered at his luck
his fortune to be with the woman of his dreams.
She, embraced in the comfort and protection of his arms.

Looking down saw the beauty;
The curved smile, the angelic face.
Beauty seen when given more than a look.

Skin so soft, love so deep, eyes that sparkled,
eyes that twinkled with a knowing smile
In on the secret of love

And there she lay.
Peaceful, lovely, innocent.
and he, the luckiest man alive,

this he saw, this he knew;
his fortunes, his luck
all during a moment in eternity.

The Fortune Cookie Knows

This weekend I flew out to California and met the amazing, fabulous, foxy Alexandria. So I can personally say she is a stellar lady. In fact, mainly so as to not disappoint our fellow twitter/blog friends (They would start a riot I think if we did not get together), we have started dating.

So I flew out and visited her. Saturday I took her out to lunch to a very awesome Mongolian/Chinese place, and I got a fortune cookie. This is what it says:

See! Even the fortune cookie could see how well we get along. So after reading that, we figured we had not choice but to go with the flow and date each other. (Well, we knew on Friday. The fortune cookie merely made us realize that it was fate to get together. ;-))

And so I though you all should know she is a superbly awesome gal that I consider myself lucky to be dating. Even if it is to be a long distance relationship for a small amount of time.

And you see that smile? How can I resist a smile like that? Really? ;-)

Risks

Sometimes you just have to take a risk.
Something crazy. Something wild.
Something that makes feel all sorts of crazy.
But something that just makes you happy.

Something that you know it will be worth it
Something that is crazy, exciting and thrilling.

Sometimes it is worth knowing the risk was worth it.
For seeing a smile meant just for you.
For being there and seeing into the eyes.

Was it worth it,
To see, to feel, to get to know?
Yes, yes it was.

Cause the smile meant for me,
the laughter caused,
the feel of the hand,
of just getting along.

No awkwardness...

What can I say? Sometimes you just have to take a risk.
And sometimes the risk pays out greater than expected...

And sometimes you just hit the jackpot.

What is freedom

I was looking at the drafts of posts that I had not published and I found this is just a snippet of a conversation that I had with Wally the Third from February of 2009. So yes, I fail in publishing it, but now is a good time. Enjoy.

Wally says: Dood
Sam says: How are you?
Wally says: Good you?
Sam says: Doing very well
Wally says: Good, victim man
Sam says: Victim man?
Sam says: Cause I have a girlfriend?
Wally says: yup
Wally says: Sucka
Sam says: Perhaps
Wally says: You are
Sam says: And you're not a victim of being single?
Wally says: Nope, Single and proud.
Sam says: Why is that?
Wally says: Because I can be
Sam says: Ah. Well I am dating and proud.
Wally says: Too bad
Sam says: Why is that?
Sam says: Having a girl to cuddle with and kiss... I'm  not sure that's a bad thing
Wally says: Yes it is
Sam Says: How come it is a bad thing?
Wally says: When they start a nagging and expecting you to wait on them.
Wally says: You will see
Sam says: I have already learned my place in the world and serve them naturally, so they don't have to nag.
Wally says: Sucka
Wally says: That is not your place!!!
Sam says: It isn't?
Wally says: Grr
Wally says: Disgrace
Sam says: Nah, I am just embracing what is bound to happen sooner or later anyway
Wally says: Not to me
Sam says: Cause you'll never marry?
Wally says: I will not wait on another person
Wally says: Selfish women
Sam says: I don't call it waiting on them, I call it doting on them with love.
Wally says: Trapped already
Wally says: Have fun with that
Sam says: Hey, I know my place, I won't be trying to rebel or anything. They are queens to us you know, we ought to treat them so.

Wally says: That is what they want you to think
Wally says: They are Evil!!!
Sam says: lol, Well I am lost then.
Sam says: Consider me a casualty in this great war then
Wally says: That is why I called you a victim
Sam says: Ah. I understand. And Katie is laughing at the snippets of conversation that I copy and paste over to her.
Wally says: Who's that?
Sam says: The girl I am dating
Sam says: Who says that she very well could be evil.
Wally says: She is.
Wally says: All women are.
Sam says: Then I long to learn of their evil ways.

Wally says: Sure, Go ahead. Your loss.
Sam says: What do I have to gain by fighting their tyranny?
Wally says: I will standby and watch, slave boy. And laugh
Sam says: What have you gained in your efforts to avoid them?
Wally says: Freedom
Sam says: And what has that freedom gained you?
Wally says: The freedom to not wait on selfish girls. Or to be a part of their stupid mind games
Sam says: But what if you  meet a girl who doesn't play mind games or isn't selfish?
Wally says: ...Or to always be the one who is wrong
Wally says: I have yet to see that
Sam says: That is just the natural order of things. You have to accept that
Wally says: Then she's probably shallow. So there.
Sam says: Or guys are naturally wrong
Wally says: Nope.
Wally says: Your manhood is close to its end if you believe that.
Sam says: So what should be the natural order of things then?
Wally says: Man and women should want to serve each other. They should be equal
Sam says: Of course, I am merely doing my part of the serving.
Sam says: So you have yet to find a girl who believes that then?
Wally says: The man should be able to express themselves. Just as women should. And do.
Sam says: So you are waiting for a woman who believes that?
Sam says: How will you meet and know her if you judge everything on a glance she gives you in the beginning?
Wally says: Who says I am waiting for a woman?
Sam says: Looking for a woman then
Wall says I will never find one like that.
Sam says: Are you sure?
Wally says: Yeah
Sam says: How come?
Wally says: They are all either shallow, selfish, unattractive or mean
Wally says: Or more than one of the above
Sam says: Which you gather without really getting to know them
Wally says: Nope. I have ears. And eyes. It isn't hard to see...

Suffice to say, Wally is now married. Which makes this even funnier.

A Toast!

First off, Giant, you fail. There is much fist shaking in the land.

Why you ask? Well this day two awesome people have met, have fallen under the spell of twue luv. It wasn't long ago, about this time around March when Sir Wally the 3rd met his lovely bride to be, Kristen.

Before this time, I always told him he would wed first. He denied it and claimed I would. But fate favored me and showed him some East Coast luvin; a truly awesome girl. And always amazed that she has fallen for him, another geek such as I. But truly an awesome, down to Earth guy.

And so I dedicate this post to them, to Wally the 3rd, my co-conspirator, my vice president nominee, my second, my campaign manager. One of the best of friends. And to you, Kristen, who shines light in Wally's life and renewed hope for the female gender in his eyes. Who both may hate that I am posting this video. But here it is.



Enjoy Tennessee.

A Public Service Announcement

To all men young and old; this probably doesn't need to be stated, but just in case it does, you'll thank me later: If accused of stalking a girl, run. Run far away in the other direction and don't turn back. Trust me.

Unless she's flirting with you, but if you have even a doubt that she is, it is best to run far far away.


This public service announcement has been brought you by the Coalition of Recently Accused Younger Brothers of Stalking. CRAYBS.

Especially when said younger brother sends a text asking if it is a bad thing if you are accused of stalking...

Ode to an Online Lovah!

Twas an ordinary thing
Another blog post, another entry
A meme of all things
Nothing entirely special...

But through the luck of writing
Of Stalin and global domination
Came laughter hoped for
but unexpected seduction...

But through lamentable distance
Through the vigors of studies
By the emptiness of wallets
And overuse of Twitter...

Came the only possibility
A possibility of laughter
A possibility of exaggeration
Of innuendo, heroics and Twilight...

Of love not unfeigned,
Of holla's and #statements
Of attempted embarrassment;
A chance encounter with an online lovah!

A journey started, tales spread
Awe and wonder in the best of friends
laughter, kudos and mostly joking
All resulted in the tales of the journey...

Of yoga in the Tin Can,
Of beds debunked and sullied
Discovery of Twilight read and blogged
And the rescuing from a Trojan...

All this silliness and more
Awkward friendship to the moon,
Red faced from laughter
makes up that which is said, "Twue Luv".

And to you, Midear, I say
And dedicate this as well
Of all the laughter had and spread,
The joys of having an online lovah!

May the good times roll
The laughter ensue
And perhaps with time
Embarrass me, you will as well.

Searching... Searching... Searching...

I just thought I'd share some of the more recent searches that Google has delivered to my blog. Feel free to laugh, or be disgusted. I completely understand either way. Since many lead the same page, I'll group the searches by the pages they land on.

Close Encounters of the Cleverbot Kind:
cleverbot scam
cleverbot is flirting with me
female human cleverbots
how to stump cleverbot
is cleverbot a human
is cleverbot a scam
is cleverbot really a person
stump cleverbot
why does cleverbot think he is human?

Your Mom and Spooning:
spooning with mom
i said no spooning
no spooning
No spooning allowed
I spoon with mom

Math and the Crocodile Hunter
croc hunter memories
mathtv

Provo Politics
"coy d. porter" stop cindy
"sterling beck"
"sterling beck" "cindy richards"
beat cindy richards, provo
cindy richards sterling baeck
laura cabanilla or coy porter
provo mayoral debate
sterling beck
sterling beck cindy
sterling beck provo

November's CES Fireside:
ces fireside elder uchtdorf
uchtdorf ces -"to speak"

Other:
"what made red man red"
Finedoodles.com
Nanti
That Paul Mero Sutherland guy.
Samantha braces

Also, tonight I have my date with Shandra. Have a good weekend.

Confusion

We all know what the SA in SARRMM stands for, right? Super Awkward. Well, even though I'm slowly raising my self confidence and all that, so I'm a little less awkward. Well, probably a tad but more than that.

Anyways, recent events only have served to confuse me. Heck, let's be honest; everything about dating confuses me. Or maybe it is girls who are used to guys who are scum and have to clarify?

Example 1: "Julia" and I were in the same ward together. We somewhat got along, I was awkward, of course, but we got along and talked fine. Then after a stake conference I ask out her out on a date, thinking it would be a good opportunity to get to know her. She then asked some clarifying question that confused me supremely, to which after I repeated myself, she said she wasn't in a dating stage of her life or something. It was odd. I think she thought I was asking her to be my girlfriend. I'm not sure. It was confusing.

Example 2: "Andrea". This was over the summer, we had hung out and surprisingly there wasn't that much awkwardness between us. Laugh Out Loud had show in June in or so, and so I asked her out. She then asked me if it was a date, or if I was planning a group thing, that wasn't a group thing, just to ask her out. I laughed. I clarified that I was asking her out. We had fun. I may have blogged about this back then, I don't recall.

Example 3: "Jennifer". She's a cool girl, she's in my ward. She actually introduced herself to me after one fast Sunday commenting on me always smiling and being happy. (Which surprised me since during the Summer I was feeling down and kind of depressed) and we've been good casual friends. I say causal because we haven't hung out. I haven't hung out with anyone really, mainly cause of school, and self-esteem stuff. But again, that's changing. I've started hanging out with people in ward.
Back on topic, in anticipation of Divine Comedy's show this weekend, I asked her out on Sunday, saying that I was planning on buying tickets, and asked her which day was better for he. We decided on Friday, she didn't care about the time. So I bought the tickets for Friday at 9 and went to her apartment last night just to confirm the time so she'd know what's going on. I went, I confirmed the time, she is starting to get sick and was probably headed for bed, ergo she didn't feel like talking much. So we just confirmed the time, and I left.

Then she calls 20 minutes later having to cancel. She told me she doesn't like date situations, being alone with guys, and apologized to me for buying tickets and offered to pay me for them and asked if we could still be friends. Obviously, we're still going to be friends. I'm the king of rejection, or rather the king of being rejected, something like this isn't going to affect me much and shouldn't ruin friendship anyways. I'm sort of confused as to why she didn't outright say no to me on Sunday, but most likely she didn't pause to register that it was a date. I got the impression that most likely she has had some bad date experiences in the past, and may just hugely feel awkward. I'm not exactly sure, and I genuinely hope that nothing major popped up.

So, yeah. Thus my confusion.

I guess the lesson to be learned is when asking someone out, use the word "date" or it may not register as a date.

I'll have to remember to use that word later today. Thinking of asking out "Shandra". I actually sort of like her, we've hung out a bit, but that's because she and her roommates always invite people over for a weekly game night thing, where we play cards and other stuff. She's a bit shy, but she's super intelligent (She's majoring in Math) but also cute and funny. So we'll see how things go. I actually asked her for help in math (cause I really needed it) and she greatly obliged. I unfortunately left after she answered my questions, instead of staying to hang out, but that's because I am a fool of a Tsook, er guy.

Wish me luck.

Post CES-Fireside Rant

Yeah, it's almost a week later, but better late than never I suppose.

First off, I have to say that Elder Uchtdorf is the man. He gave a great talk last week about not selling yourself short, not beating yourself up, metaphorically. Something that I've had to learn the hard way as I have low self-esteem.

Elder Uchtdorf also spoke on the important aspect that supposedly afflicts all single LDS people; marriage and soul mates. While it's good to hear that there is no one soul-mate, and not to despair, I don't think that Elder Uchtdorf, or the church, really has addressed the concerns of shy dudes.

While dating and going out on dates is cool and important, I think it's often overhyped and wrongly packaged. After all, our culture, in fact most cultures assume and a practice that the LDS Church doesn't resist is that it's the guy who does the asking out, and it is the girl who responds, politely refusing if she so decides. Why is that?

Yes, I know Elder Uchtdorf said that it's not just girls who may not have a chance to marry, but some guys too. Sure, that's reassuring, but that's merely playing up to, and recognizing, the gender role that has been long established, that it is the guy's responsibility to ask out the girl. Is there some gospel doctrine that says the guy has to take the initiative? Apart from reassurances from General Authorities about dating, there's nothing been said. Nothing been said to encourage females to take some initiative, to ask a guy out. Or maybe it's just not recognized in the church of shy guys having that problem.

But there are shy guys. Guys, who if they don't take the initiative to hang out, to ask anyone on dates, they aren't that social. And most girls just wait for it to come to them. (Waiting includes flirting, talking during church, being friendly, looking pretty, but discludes actually going to hang out with a guy you don't know all that well or ask someone out.)

And so where does that leave shy guys? At home alone, or in the library studying or whatever. If they don't step up and take initiative to talk to a girl, to be more social, then in my experience, it generally doesn't happen. And because of the tradition that the guy asks out the girl, girls who do take the initiative to ask out a guy are viewed in a skewed light, and thought of as weird when they should be thought of as awesome.

So that's just my rant on things, that the Church doesn't address shy guys and doesn't break the male stereotype that it is the guy's "privilege" to ask girls out.

Or, maybe I'm just shy and crazy.

Midnight Randomocity

First off, I can breathe again. I cough occasionally, but my lungs are restored to full capacity. I approve. I am a fan of breathing.

Also, apparently word of my laugh is getting around. I randomly decided to hang out with some girls today and when I started laughing when something funny was said, one girl in particular mentioned that she hadn't yet had the opportunity to witness my laugh. It is kind of cool, kind of embarrassing.

I also must learn how to tap into that power, the power of laughter. Maybe I conquer the world through laughter?

Time will tell.

Low In The Valley

Low in the Valley

Low in the valley,
when higher up would be
picturing the view
enjoying the stillness

But upon slipping
Instead of higher up
Found myself in the valley
In the midst of a fog

Not a fog dense or great
nor in the base of the valley
nor lamenting the situation
Just slipped upon the path

Sitting and reflecting
Bewildered and surprised
Glancing up and glancing down
The fog settling on my heart

Standing and deliberating
Seeing the time has passed
The opportunity to disturb the universe gone
And now not ready to ascend.

Dust off my pants
Look around, and with a sigh
Travel back down to the valley
To ascend again some day.

Courage

If I Had the Courage

If I had the Courage,
I'd be more than what I am,
I'd say the things that come to mind,
Trivial or important, all that others would say.

The small jokes, the one liners,
Asking to know you, to flirt, to smile, to laugh
I wouldn't worry how I appear
Or second guess what people think, even when donned in a top hat.

I'd get past the small talk
To the personal information
To be a friend, a confidant, trustworthy,
Not just another face in the crowd.

But here I am before you,
Shy and nervous as can be,
I worry, I freeze, I stutter,
And say nothing in the end.

And so in the end, less is said,
Opportunities lost, awkward silences had,
Out on the edge, out on the fray
Part of the group, the circle, the activity.

But a spectator only
When participation desired.
Unknown how to rectify
Confused how to change

When if I could I would,
Compliment you, flirt with you, get to know you
Smile, laugh, being happy and sharing experiences
Not cause I'm there, but for the friendship obtained.

So here I am as quiet as can be
Enwrapped in all the conversation,
listening to all that said,
But not saying anything myself.

Not talking, just listening.
Hearing others, but not being heard
There, but not there...
Invisible you might say.

All that I could do
All that could be said
Worries, thoughts and ideas meetted out
If only I had the courage.

Clayvision Starwars!

There was a clay type activity bundled in with some other activities today. I just thought I'd share:

Darth Vader and a sitting C3P0.


R2D2, Luke Skywalker and Luke's hand.


Another look at them.


"Jenny", a very good friend, with the clay figures she made.


I'm thinking of firing them up too, to have permanent Starwars figures.

"The force is strong with this firing kiln..." -- Nah, it doesn't sound the same.
Enjoy though.

Ninja Dates

It was toward the beginning of a fine Sunday evening, a nap had been taken, and some singing had been accomplished too.

But antsy, a young man was, in part due the high temperatures and poor ventilation system, and in part due to the exhaustion of reading the text for his class.

The young man then set his text down and traveled down the road, well to be exact, went only just around the street corner.

So the young man knocked upon the door of a female residency and entering, entered into a strange discussion about the locations of the Ozarks and the Azores. Other things were discussed as well, and frozen, flavored ice treats were shared as well.

But then came the moment that caused the young man to pause, to start sweating a bit more, and his smile wavered slightly. He mentioned his seeing an announcement of an activity in one of the museums, and of the performance of a certain improv comedy group.

But then confusion came; well slight confusion for the young man in question at least. For the young lady took it upon herself to ensure that this young man was not engaging in deceptive-ish behavior. That he his intentions were to take the fair lady out on outing commonly labeled as a 'date', or if others were planning on accompanying them in a group hangout/date activity that may be a date in hiding.

Or something like that, for the young lady's words as to the intentions of the young man caused him to pause, and to think about what she said, which to him, he thought she was asking if it was going to be a double date type activity. The young man responded slowly and clearly confused that though he wasn't planning on others coming, he could try and organize a group date activity, if that's what she wanted.

Probably sensing the young man's confusion, the young lady stated herself clearly, asking if it truly was the social outing, labeled as a 'date'. The young man responded in the affirmative and all were happy.

Though the young man doth protest against those rapscallions who would weasel themselves into a date, causing this young lad, and probably many others, to have to be more direct and blunt than they would otherwise have to be.

So thus there are much shaking of fists for those who perpetuate the 'ninja date'.

Redefining One's Self

I have a question for you all, that hopefully you may be able to answer. And no need to to wait for permission to respond, you all can reply and are encouraged to reply.

How do you reinvent yourself? I hear that with each semester we are allowed a chance to redefine ourselves, to become those people who we want to become? But what about shy guy type struggling to burst out of his shell? If a group of people with whom he associates with perceives him as a shy guy, and does nothing to help ease his transition, will his changes be noticed? Will he no longer be shunted off to the side as the shy guy that he was and allow themselves to view said guy in a different light, with a different perception?

That, I suppose is my question. How can the shy guy break out of his shell? Maybe the answer is as simple as attempting to be more conversational. Or maybe it isn't.

There just happens to be some people with whom I associate with, that due to acts of shyness and aloofness, I feel shunted off to the side.

So I'm just wondering how I can fix that so things are so awkward for me.

For the Shame

I... I have a confession to make. Something that may make you shamed of me now.

I have joined a Twilight web site/thing. Yes. I know. You're all wondering how I could sink so low to do something that is reprehensible. But I have good motives, I swear! Kinda...

You see, I have a friend, Joe we'll call him, who has had way more than his share of female troubles and angst. If angst really qualifies to describe it. Anywhat, I was hanging out with him and other friends on Wednesday and he mentioned the site. Now he enjoys the books cause they're an easy read, but he says he joined up and participated in some "discussions" about Twilight and soon began befriending many females who noticed him on the site. With it being a Twilight site and all, there are of course bunches and bunches of females on it. Which means for my guy Joe, he soon was asked by many if he was straight and apparently is very popular with the ladies there.

He thought he would share some of the comments (Like people discussing if Edward could kill Darth Vader) and invited me to join the website. So in effort not to sow discord and see if Joe's claims are all cracked up like he says, I have had to pretend to support Twilight. Which means resisting urges to say my true thoughts and feelings.

So... thus I joined. But honestly, there have to be, and are, better ways to meet women. Maybe Joe likes the attention, but for me, just reading half the stuff and a few comments on my profile is driving me batty. Most people don't use grammar, at all! Not to mention all the other inane stuff posted. Heck, the intellectual people that I would get along with if I wasn't suppressing my opinions are those who speak out against Twilight.

Anyways, I had to say something cause I'm just going crazy.

So.. I guess this means let the shunning begin for the atrocities that I have committed?