Pirates

Today I would like to compare some aspects of life to life on the high seas as a pirate.

Take the pirate captain, while he controls the helm, steers the ship and in general leads or guides the ship; he has to worry about the welfare of the crew. He has to know when they're worried, scared, upset, and happy. If he ignores them, they mutiny. He knows this. And thus he works with the crew, allays and soothes their fears. He does not express to his crew his worries, how he feels, cause his feelings would then ripple and spiral out of control with the crew. Despite how he may feel, he has to appear confident, he has to do what he can to appear without fear, or at least brave enough to conquer those fears. He has to do so in order to have the best unity and functionality of the ship. So they can pillage all sorts of booty. And the crew? They don't necessarily want to know what is going through the mind of the captain or how he feels. Sure, they say they want to know, but their mood, thoughts, and feelings come before his. Such is the way of life aboard a pirate ship.

And, in many instances, such is life.

In 'N Out

To any and all Californians who love In 'N Out, I mean no offense, but I think you all are crazy.

I decided to go today and grab a burger, see for myself how the food tasted. I never went before because whenever I passed by an In 'N Out and was hungry enough to consider grabbing a burger, there has been a 20+ car line. Honestly, I am not waiting that long for a burger.

As I was saying, I went, I bought the Double Double with fries and a coke and drove home to eat it. Honestly... it was not that spectacular. It tastes just as good as a burger from McDonald's or Wendys or some other burger joint. Same buns, same thin meat patties. Greasier though. Way greasier. The fries also are not that great either. They tasted a bit stale or something. I've had way better at other places.

So honestly, it is just a fast food joint that is kept alive by hype. Californians adore it and have spread the word and got it to be popular. Maybe it is good in California, or maybe Governor Schwarzenegger spiked the the state's water mains and they all lost their sense of taste, who knows. I just know that the hype makes the food their to be something it is not.

But honestly, I will not being going back anytime soon. I don't buy into the hype and don't see why everyone thinks it is so good. I also expect my Californian readers to form a mob to lynch me too.

So yeah. Another thing though; at least McDonald's has the McFlurry. Those taste good. So I guess McDonald's beats In-N-Out.

Now I really expect to be lynched. I must go hide.

Behold, the Power of....

Cheese! Oops, wrong commercial. Low self-esteem. The power of low self-esteem.

The following message brought to you by Low Self-Esteem Inc, where if you aren't happy, we make millions!

"Are you ever tired of keeping up with the day to day standards of talking with people? Of being happy, upbeat and keeping a smile on your face? Ever feel like bursting down crying like this guy here?

Well, at Low Self-Esteem inc., We don't care! Why don't we care? Because no one else does either. The difference between us and the rest of the world is that if you come in to us in all your emo glory like Emo-Peter Parker, we will pay you to take your low self-esteem off your hands.

You see, the trick is the special technology that we developed. There is green energy, well now there is emo-energy. Our special technology has enabled us to harness the power of low self-esteem to power cars, computers, air planes. Pretty soon everything will be powered by low self-esteem. Which, in the near future, will allow us to conquer the world!

So why hold on to all those feelings of pain, rejection, and of social stigma and swing on by one of our many locations, you'll be able to vent your frustrations, make some money on the side and further perpetuate your anguish by funding a cruel heartless corporation bent on sucking the humanity out of the world. It is win-win.

So remember our motto folks; that if you aren't happy, we make millions. So pass on by, where if you arrive early enough, you might just be enlisted to be a part of the new global empire that will be spawned."

A Conspiracy!

There are some things that I think are a conspiracy, or is proof that the universe hates me. One of the two.

Today, is one of them. Today I had no balance today while walking on ice. At least that is what they would have you think. Clearly the universe is trying to maim me. I fell down four or five times today and now I am a bit of a gimp and I have twisted my ankle or something. So now I hobble everywhere.

Of course the logical thing would be to assume that I have no balance and no good traction on my shoes and it is my fault for walking on the ice, but that is just crazy talk. It is clearly the Universe's fault.

A Most Supreme Battle

The battle started yesterday. Not even a battle expected. More of training exercises with other forces. Nothing new, nothing unexpected.

First shots were fired, the exercises commenced. Except the other side's volleys were more intense, more deliberate. Confused, the small force continued the exercises, wondering about the fellow brigadiers that they were in training exercises with.

They stepped up their efforts to compete, knowing like always they would lose. They always lost. That's just how things were, some shots fired, some points gained, mostly enough to prove that they could compete against the others. But this time, it was a slaughter. Provoked or unprovoked it will not be known, but the small force bravely withstood, losing their ranks one at a time.

They didn't show sign of weakness, they knew the game itself might change if this weakness was revealed against the intensity of the attacks, or perhaps the intensity would further augment. Or maybe some sympathy. The small force did not know, for their fellow comrades with whom the fought were unpredictable.

And so, the other forces released the dust bunnies, thinking all was the same. They didn't watch the carnage that ensued, they only knew that their fellow comrades were still playing, and injured like they. So secret armies of dust bunnies unleashed, the Entrapper of Souls feigning innocence.

The other side huddled in, unleashing shots, but heavily wounded, scarred, mourning. This wasn't a normal skirmish. It was a slaughter, and all they could do was weather it out lest they be cut down.

Skirmish hours ended, and both sides went to rest, the opposing forces not knowing the heaviness of the wounds and the losses the other side received. They won. They always won. That is how it always was and how it shall always be. Everything was OK.

But the original camp could barely get out with the sun. They thought they could not regroup for the next skirmish, they could not recover soon enough. Morale was gone, energy gone. Lethargic, morose, slothful. Flag raised to show all was well, cheerful greetings sent forth, mocking their slaughter, but not revealing their wounds, for the sake of pride, for respect.

And so the day started drearily, cloudy, cold, barren. And it continued that way until an ally sent greeting and brought news of a new force, of a cheering up and moralizing of troops. And then the sun burst out and life bloomed. Soldiers on the point of dying smiled and gained the life to recover, wounds began to heal, cheerfulness became prevalent in the camp. Shouts of 'huzzah' rang out, life began anew.

And the other sides? Well, this cheering was nothing new. Their comrades were weird. It was to be expected. But even they would have to smile when they saw this riding by:

And all continued with the world.

Searching... Searching... Searching...

I just thought I'd share some of the more recent searches that Google has delivered to my blog. Feel free to laugh, or be disgusted. I completely understand either way. Since many lead the same page, I'll group the searches by the pages they land on.

Close Encounters of the Cleverbot Kind:
cleverbot scam
cleverbot is flirting with me
female human cleverbots
how to stump cleverbot
is cleverbot a human
is cleverbot a scam
is cleverbot really a person
stump cleverbot
why does cleverbot think he is human?

Your Mom and Spooning:
spooning with mom
i said no spooning
no spooning
No spooning allowed
I spoon with mom

Math and the Crocodile Hunter
croc hunter memories
mathtv

Provo Politics
"coy d. porter" stop cindy
"sterling beck"
"sterling beck" "cindy richards"
beat cindy richards, provo
cindy richards sterling baeck
laura cabanilla or coy porter
provo mayoral debate
sterling beck
sterling beck cindy
sterling beck provo

November's CES Fireside:
ces fireside elder uchtdorf
uchtdorf ces -"to speak"

Other:
"what made red man red"
Finedoodles.com
Nanti
That Paul Mero Sutherland guy.
Samantha braces

Also, tonight I have my date with Shandra. Have a good weekend.

The Sutherland Insitute, Asexualism, and You.

With the two Salt Lake ordinances that passed this week granting work protection rights to gays, and with the LDS/Mormon Church backing them, you think all would be happy in Utah, right? Not so, one group, the Sutherland Group, disagrees. Upon hearing their representative talk, you'd think they're speaking out against gay rights equality.

Not so. If look into the bad grammar and oddly placed logic, you'll see that they're suggesting something else entirely:

Sexual orientation is an illusion. Your idea of rights is an illusion. Your equality is illusory.

"Sexual orientation is an illusion". Apparently the Sutherland institute believes we're all supposed to be asexual. This is further apparent by their statement,

It only exists in the minds of activists, and their academics, who need to explain away why people do what they do even when they don't want to do it.

So, according to Paul Mero of the Sutherland Institute, he has no sexual orientation and believes that there should be no sexual orientation at all. He's either a cyborg with robotic manly bits, or he's completely asexual. Although the more logical answer would be that he's a cyborg, his states,

The truth is that we are born male and female with moral agency.

See! He says we're all born male AND female. Not 'Male or Female', but 'and'. Clearly that means he is arguing that only asexual humans have rights.

Of course, it doesn't help that he contradicts his asexual argument by saying,

Because it's behavior, our sexuality is always a choice, and any other sexual construct is an illusion.

Of course he could just be saying that heterosexuality and homosexuality are both illusions. That's probably it. He thinks everyone who isn't asexual is actually holographically projecting their sexual behavior, since they aren't asexual.

And, as a follow-up Mero said,

Your idea of rights is an illusion. With the backing of every miserable misanthropic philosopher of the post-Enlightenment era, your initiative feeds on the unreasonable notion that you have these magically organic rights to do whatever you desire.

Clearly the only explanation is that Mero is Morpheus, an asexual cybernetic humanoid who is subtly informing us of the Matrix that we live in, and that we're all an illusion because we aren't asexual. It has nothing to do with his views on homosexuality or that a gay person could view heterosexuality as an illusion, it's that we're all battery-like slaves and he wants to set us free.

I think we should listen to the man, cause I can't wait to asexually split with myself.

Urge to Sail To Valinor...

I'm not sure why, but I have an urge to sail to Valinor... Maybe this has something to do with it?

Beginnings of a New Religion...

Maybe.

You know how it was snowing yesterday, Tuesday? Well it is a running theme with The Green Giant and me that we rag on each other when it snows, seeing how I like snow and he, well, doesn't.

Well it escalated to a new level yesterday, with me somehow preaching the Gospel of the Great Snowfall, and calling haters of snow to repentance. Not to mention stating that the great pattern of snow fall does not consider the human desire for warmth to be sin, that preparing oneself adequately to be warm while fully enjoying the fall of the fluffy white stuff is greatly looked upon.

Yeah... I'm not sure what else to say. Although, if a new religion does spring forth from all this, I hope you'll all join me in adoration of that which is cold, fluffy and wet.

- Sam, the Nanti-SARRMM - Herald of the Might Snow Storm.

Crocodile Hunter Math Teacher?

The young lad was in the hallowed halls of learning, or rather being the Math Lab, the Unhollowed halls of learning.

He and his fellow despondent co-patriots valiantly struggled against the horrors that consist of Linear Algebra. As they toiled in their understanding, the pressures and horrors of this inexplicable system of math finally got to them, and started converting Linear Transformations into Transformer jokes, saying they expected to hear a matrix say, "Transform and roll out!".

But then something odd occurred as the young man read the text, from the wording of some the text in his textbook, i.e. "The proof of this theorem and some other interesting properties of orthogonal matrices are left to you to be discovered..." (emphasis mine). Upon reading this text, the young lad heard the voice of Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, in his head narrating the text as he read, complete with the "Crikey!"

The young man chuckled all the more as he pictured the crocodile hunter giving a math lecture, laughing at the accent and laughing at what the Crocodile Hunter would say if he messed his lines up.

And so now the Crocodile Hunter's memory lives on, as one of the few people would could have taught math on TV with enthusiasm.

In, or of, Mazes

Yes, you're probably all tired of hearing me gripe and whatnot of my life. Or those people knew to my blog, don't worry about it! Or, read the archives. Your choice.

Anywho, last night I have the experience to go to one of the corn mazes in Utah Valley for an FHE activity. And truth be told, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. Not because I don't like corn mazes, it was my first time actually, but just that as soon as plans started forming to go to a corn maze, I knew that while others would have fun, I probably wouldn't. I thought I wouldn't have fun because everyone would would into smaller groups with whom they are most comfortable and enjoy each others company all the more, while I'd be on the fringe, or alone.

And did it happen? Yeah, of course it did. But not because of anything anyone else did, but because of my attitude. I expected to be on the edge of participation, so when it started happening, I went with it. I wandered off and explored the maze by myself for parts of the time. Honestly, I didn't think anyone would notice or care. Most didn't actually. Or at least no one at the time said anything. I just walked alone, or with others, stuck in my own thoughts.

But you see, that's my fault. I let it happen. I went expecting that be social I just had to be there, expecting it occur naturally. I didn't realize this at the time because I was making myself feel too miserable and all, thinking "Oh woe is me", but it occurred later. In fact, when riding back home, some people asked where I went, that they were following me and then they lost me. you see, I didn't even realize anyone actually was aware of me being there. Heck, I didn't participate, I didn't talk much or join in their laughter, which was a real shame.

So, what am I getting at? I'm saying that I'm my own worst Eskimo. Here these past few months I've been hesitant to getting to know some certain girls, because it seemed that they were distant from me, because I was always on the fringe of the group. But looking at from the perspective of the maze, I've been the aloof one, I've been the distant one. Sure maybe others could have done stuff to include me, but who is to say that I would have gone along with it? I'm not sure I would have honestly, just because of how I have been feeling.

So what does this mean? Obviously, it means not to take myself too seriously. That if I get into one of my lonely moods, I just need to go and talk and hang out with some people. Not worry or gripe about being shy.

So yes, this is a new resolution for me, to stop worrying about being social and just go out and do it! It's like with the top hattedness, I just need to be my goofy friendly self, and not an outlier. That path leads to darkness and wailing of teeth.

So, if you see me complain, or I complain more about being shy (unless maybe there's an actual reason, maybe?), call me on it. Tell me to stop being a whiner.

So hopefully this is a step in the right direction. I certainly hope so.

I'm confused...

My sister confuses me. This is a small tidbit of our conversation today about her breaking up with the boy she's dating as he's soon leaving on a mission.

Me: "But all you do is talk. You may not even see him again until he's about to leave."
"Emily": "I know that, and then I will be single again."
Me: "And? Is that a problem? It never seemed to bother you before."
"Emily": "It does not bother me at all."
Me: "Then why bring it up?"
"Emily": "You brought it up, not me."
Me: "No, you're the one who brought up being single again."
"Emily":"I know. And now that I think about it, I will be really excited about being single again."

Yeah, my sister is confusing.

linear Independence

When in the Course of mathematics it becomes necessary for one vector to clarify the non-trivial bands which have separated them with each other and to assume among the powers of the polynomials, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Gaussian Elimination algorithm entitle them, a decent respect to the formulation of matrices requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

Heretofore we declare Linear Independence....




Ok, I admit it. I am bored and decided to try and do something fun with what I'm studying.
Have a great day.

Preview of Silliness to Come

This is for a book club type thing, for a part of a larger project in total.
Any questions?

Espionage

Growing up I should have picked up on it sooner, I mean it was staring me right in the face but I didn't connect the dots until last week and then it all made sense. I mean when a guy in a heavy accent who refers to himself as Boris asking for my sister Natasha (Whose name isn't Natasha by the way) You think that maybe there is some ongoing school project, or it's an inside joke with a friend, never mind the long distance calls, the strange packages for her, letters written in a language that looked Russian and oddly timed departures with friends to do who knows what.

Of course I just thought she was weird; heck I'm the oldest brother, don't most brothers think their sisters are weird at that age?

But then it all connected last week when she was telling me about a dream she had. She dreampt that all five of us kids were together and that for some reason or another I accused her, in the dream, that she would be the most likely to betray us and be a traitor and she asked me what I thought about it; clearly thinking it was an innocent enough question. But with that question all the pieces fell into place and I knew what it all meant. My sister is a Soviet-Russian spy.

There was no other explanation, and when asking her about it I clearly saw the brief look of panic as she realized the impossible; that I knew her secret. She of course denied any activity of engaging in espionage with foreign countries, but I knew better.

Immediately upon learning the truth, I thought I would best warn my parents of my sister's traitorous behavior. I sent a quick text to my father saying that his beloved daughter was actually a spy. Though I expected some exclamation, some grief, some incredulousness, I was not prepared for his response.

When his response returned my heart sunk with horror upon reading the words, "That's cool, I want to be one too."

Clearly she had gotten to him long ago, softening him up with soviet propaganda, filling his head with lies. I knew not what to believe. Upon sharing my revelation with my younger brother I soon realized how deep the treachery went, cause he constantly defended her, saying that it wasn't possible that our sister was spy. But the most odd was that at bits and pieces his accent changed slightly, and his arguments seemed highly practiced to be some on the spot defense. I knew that he must be a spy too.

Of course the government doesn't believe me; I have no evidence, nothing to justify what I already know.

So it is my shame to report that my family are Soviet Russian spies. If I don't make it past the next two days, I hope one of you can do me this one favor. If I die I will transmit my last moments with them before they kill me to a wireless device hidden inside a locker in the airport. The key and instructions to get to the locker are hidden in the tower of my desktop above the dvd drive.

I wish you all the best, for it may already be too late.

Mi Estamago

I shouldn't have eaten that pizza last night. Trust me, using black magic to clone yourself and altering your clone's appearance while having composite intelligence to go out with friends and others because your chance is blown isn't a dream ones to have.

Now if I had used my dark magic clone to conquer the world, that would be better. But to get girls? Not a wise decision.

Except now I wonder what a group date with a few a me with a few girls would be like. Things certainly would never be dull.

That's it. Maybe I will use cloning to get girls. And rule the world. Anyone up to be my queen, or a queen of a clone?

All this from eating pizza last night. Well, of course the pizza can't be entirely blamed...

'Splode!

There was once a boy who put off his homework, who got guiltier and guiltier by the second about putting it off that the guilt itself stopped him from doing his homework. Thus the guilt became self-perpetual and self aware and decided to step it up a notch. At a moment completely unexpected the boy felt something burn and with a animalistic howl his head exploded.

The end.

Being Silly...

For some reason or another I have a desire to go to the nearest bell tower and shout "Sanctuary" at the top of my lungs. Or maybe using a bull horn. I don't know why, but if you hear or see someone shouting it. That's me.

SANCTUARY!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, Happy birthday Giovanni!!!!!!

I'll Never Think of Bingo the Same Way Again

A distress call was sent, co-patriots of fortune needed. The organizer, fearing the awkward social danger levels if the call were answered alone and feeling that a group of comrades would be better received, called upon his fellow co patriots to go cheer up one of their fallen comrades.
Two others were able to attend, free from other obligations they met in the early hours of the morning to visit the fallen.
The directions had been inquired of the day previous, but upon entering the edifice where the fallen comrade lay, the guardian of the records informed them that their comrade was held at the other side of the building and imparted the manner at how to arrive in the most timely fashion, while too imparting a warning that their comrade may lay unconscious due to strength of the medicines used to further help discern what malady afflicted their fellow comrade.
The three made their way to the wing to where she lay and inquired of another guardian to and keeper of records of their intent to visit their comrade. Fortunately permission was granted and they were led to where the brave comrade lay.

The comrade lay awake, though slightly weakened by the medicines still in her system. They talked, joked and comforted her. Many topics where discussed. Laughs exchanged and grandparents on the dating scene in reference to 'bingo'. 'Bingo' was the climax of awkward conversations.

And thus came time for the three to leave, to part ways from their comrade and bid her farewell, with the horrors of 'bingo' fresh on their minds, they all knew they would never think of Bingo the same way again.

Awkwardness Squared

You know how you have days where you just feel awkward, that anything and everything you do is awkwardly intensified by all normal expectations? Well without giving any awkward details to really implicate myself or cause others to pity or fear me by the sheer amount of awkward that was exhibited (I'm pretty sure if awkward could be tapped into as a fuel source, there would be no energy problems for the next twenty years); I'll just say that last night was one of those nights.

To those who may have seen my awkward fumbling; I apologize. There was no good reason for it.

And in other news, I don't like Dell at the moment. Not at all.

My sister is currently attending Snow college and got a lot of grants and school loans, insomuch that she (through our Father) bought a Dell laptop. Now about two or three weeks ago it started intermittently giving the blue screen of death and shutting down. Well the first logical thing to do was to scan for viruses and do a system rollback. After that happened, it still occurred, always randomly, and it hasn't stayed on the screen long enough to really see what it says.
Anywhat, after that we tried re-imaging the laptop back to factory conditions, thinking that would work. It didn't. As it didn't seem to be the operating system, and inexplicably lacking the operating system cd, we connected with Dell online. The online tech looked at some files, some debugger files and concluded that we should re-image the laptop. Again.
So we do it, and the problem happens again. This time we call, through a series of calls and annoying procedures just to get to an agent, to see what else they would recommend and to get them to send us the Operating System CD; which after tremendous hassle they did.

So with the Operating System CD that we got last Tuesday we tried reformatting the hard drive (well, there were two partitions, one for the OS and one for everything else), doing this over the phone with my sister. That didn't work, she still got the blue screen errors. Not to mention problems my sister had with installing the drivers, but that isn't exactly Dell's fault...

Now my family drove down to Ephraim, picking me up along the way to celebrate my sister's birthday (she's now 19. *Sigh* They grow up so quickly) and so while down there I reformatted the hard drive, deleted the small partition so everything is together (and hoping that doesn't invalidate her warranty) reinstalled windows and ran 'chkdsk /r' to check to see if the hard drive is the problem. Nothing popped up. So I installed the drivers. And it gave me the error again.

So now I am downloading some debugger utility to see what the dump file says and if nothing else, calling Dell and doing some major complaining.

So yeah, I am not pleased with Dell. Not pleased at all.