Just A Little Random

Once upon a June eve, someone shared with me an image from a blog. A simple message really. Nothing convoluted. Just what was felt. Over a year later, I now feel the same. And in a fit of randomness since I hardly post, I share this image here:

What is freedom

I was looking at the drafts of posts that I had not published and I found this is just a snippet of a conversation that I had with Wally the Third from February of 2009. So yes, I fail in publishing it, but now is a good time. Enjoy.

Wally says: Dood
Sam says: How are you?
Wally says: Good you?
Sam says: Doing very well
Wally says: Good, victim man
Sam says: Victim man?
Sam says: Cause I have a girlfriend?
Wally says: yup
Wally says: Sucka
Sam says: Perhaps
Wally says: You are
Sam says: And you're not a victim of being single?
Wally says: Nope, Single and proud.
Sam says: Why is that?
Wally says: Because I can be
Sam says: Ah. Well I am dating and proud.
Wally says: Too bad
Sam says: Why is that?
Sam says: Having a girl to cuddle with and kiss... I'm  not sure that's a bad thing
Wally says: Yes it is
Sam Says: How come it is a bad thing?
Wally says: When they start a nagging and expecting you to wait on them.
Wally says: You will see
Sam says: I have already learned my place in the world and serve them naturally, so they don't have to nag.
Wally says: Sucka
Wally says: That is not your place!!!
Sam says: It isn't?
Wally says: Grr
Wally says: Disgrace
Sam says: Nah, I am just embracing what is bound to happen sooner or later anyway
Wally says: Not to me
Sam says: Cause you'll never marry?
Wally says: I will not wait on another person
Wally says: Selfish women
Sam says: I don't call it waiting on them, I call it doting on them with love.
Wally says: Trapped already
Wally says: Have fun with that
Sam says: Hey, I know my place, I won't be trying to rebel or anything. They are queens to us you know, we ought to treat them so.

Wally says: That is what they want you to think
Wally says: They are Evil!!!
Sam says: lol, Well I am lost then.
Sam says: Consider me a casualty in this great war then
Wally says: That is why I called you a victim
Sam says: Ah. I understand. And Katie is laughing at the snippets of conversation that I copy and paste over to her.
Wally says: Who's that?
Sam says: The girl I am dating
Sam says: Who says that she very well could be evil.
Wally says: She is.
Wally says: All women are.
Sam says: Then I long to learn of their evil ways.

Wally says: Sure, Go ahead. Your loss.
Sam says: What do I have to gain by fighting their tyranny?
Wally says: I will standby and watch, slave boy. And laugh
Sam says: What have you gained in your efforts to avoid them?
Wally says: Freedom
Sam says: And what has that freedom gained you?
Wally says: The freedom to not wait on selfish girls. Or to be a part of their stupid mind games
Sam says: But what if you  meet a girl who doesn't play mind games or isn't selfish?
Wally says: ...Or to always be the one who is wrong
Wally says: I have yet to see that
Sam says: That is just the natural order of things. You have to accept that
Wally says: Then she's probably shallow. So there.
Sam says: Or guys are naturally wrong
Wally says: Nope.
Wally says: Your manhood is close to its end if you believe that.
Sam says: So what should be the natural order of things then?
Wally says: Man and women should want to serve each other. They should be equal
Sam says: Of course, I am merely doing my part of the serving.
Sam says: So you have yet to find a girl who believes that then?
Wally says: The man should be able to express themselves. Just as women should. And do.
Sam says: So you are waiting for a woman who believes that?
Sam says: How will you meet and know her if you judge everything on a glance she gives you in the beginning?
Wally says: Who says I am waiting for a woman?
Sam says: Looking for a woman then
Wall says I will never find one like that.
Sam says: Are you sure?
Wally says: Yeah
Sam says: How come?
Wally says: They are all either shallow, selfish, unattractive or mean
Wally says: Or more than one of the above
Sam says: Which you gather without really getting to know them
Wally says: Nope. I have ears. And eyes. It isn't hard to see...

Suffice to say, Wally is now married. Which makes this even funnier.

A Toast!

First off, Giant, you fail. There is much fist shaking in the land.

Why you ask? Well this day two awesome people have met, have fallen under the spell of twue luv. It wasn't long ago, about this time around March when Sir Wally the 3rd met his lovely bride to be, Kristen.

Before this time, I always told him he would wed first. He denied it and claimed I would. But fate favored me and showed him some East Coast luvin; a truly awesome girl. And always amazed that she has fallen for him, another geek such as I. But truly an awesome, down to Earth guy.

And so I dedicate this post to them, to Wally the 3rd, my co-conspirator, my vice president nominee, my second, my campaign manager. One of the best of friends. And to you, Kristen, who shines light in Wally's life and renewed hope for the female gender in his eyes. Who both may hate that I am posting this video. But here it is.



Enjoy Tennessee.

Jeers and Cheers

I have an awesome friend who plays local league hockey at Peaks Ice. He's awesome and his team, the Chiefs, are pretty good.

However, I have the hardest time coming up with clever stuff based off the names of other teams. Take tonight's team, the Red Dawn, how are you supposed to mock that? They used to be the Fighting Squab, which is way easier to make fun of, considering squab are doves. But the Red Dawn? That's an awesome name, it's hard to think of clever word play jeers to shout during hockey games.

Of course it could be because all that I thought of when thinking about stuff I could use came from Lord of the Rings, where Legolas states that the dawn is red because blood was spilled that night (when they're pursuing the Uruk-Hai who took Merry and Pippin) and when Theodin was pumping his men up for the fight in Pelennor Fields. (Against the Southrons and their huge elephants.)

So how am I supposed to think of stuff like that? It's hard. And I've used up a lot of stuff cheering on the chiefs.

But I digress, I have a math final to prepare for. I have to get back to that.

- Sam.

Beginnings of a New Religion...

Maybe.

You know how it was snowing yesterday, Tuesday? Well it is a running theme with The Green Giant and me that we rag on each other when it snows, seeing how I like snow and he, well, doesn't.

Well it escalated to a new level yesterday, with me somehow preaching the Gospel of the Great Snowfall, and calling haters of snow to repentance. Not to mention stating that the great pattern of snow fall does not consider the human desire for warmth to be sin, that preparing oneself adequately to be warm while fully enjoying the fall of the fluffy white stuff is greatly looked upon.

Yeah... I'm not sure what else to say. Although, if a new religion does spring forth from all this, I hope you'll all join me in adoration of that which is cold, fluffy and wet.

- Sam, the Nanti-SARRMM - Herald of the Might Snow Storm.

In, or of, Mazes

Yes, you're probably all tired of hearing me gripe and whatnot of my life. Or those people knew to my blog, don't worry about it! Or, read the archives. Your choice.

Anywho, last night I have the experience to go to one of the corn mazes in Utah Valley for an FHE activity. And truth be told, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. Not because I don't like corn mazes, it was my first time actually, but just that as soon as plans started forming to go to a corn maze, I knew that while others would have fun, I probably wouldn't. I thought I wouldn't have fun because everyone would would into smaller groups with whom they are most comfortable and enjoy each others company all the more, while I'd be on the fringe, or alone.

And did it happen? Yeah, of course it did. But not because of anything anyone else did, but because of my attitude. I expected to be on the edge of participation, so when it started happening, I went with it. I wandered off and explored the maze by myself for parts of the time. Honestly, I didn't think anyone would notice or care. Most didn't actually. Or at least no one at the time said anything. I just walked alone, or with others, stuck in my own thoughts.

But you see, that's my fault. I let it happen. I went expecting that be social I just had to be there, expecting it occur naturally. I didn't realize this at the time because I was making myself feel too miserable and all, thinking "Oh woe is me", but it occurred later. In fact, when riding back home, some people asked where I went, that they were following me and then they lost me. you see, I didn't even realize anyone actually was aware of me being there. Heck, I didn't participate, I didn't talk much or join in their laughter, which was a real shame.

So, what am I getting at? I'm saying that I'm my own worst Eskimo. Here these past few months I've been hesitant to getting to know some certain girls, because it seemed that they were distant from me, because I was always on the fringe of the group. But looking at from the perspective of the maze, I've been the aloof one, I've been the distant one. Sure maybe others could have done stuff to include me, but who is to say that I would have gone along with it? I'm not sure I would have honestly, just because of how I have been feeling.

So what does this mean? Obviously, it means not to take myself too seriously. That if I get into one of my lonely moods, I just need to go and talk and hang out with some people. Not worry or gripe about being shy.

So yes, this is a new resolution for me, to stop worrying about being social and just go out and do it! It's like with the top hattedness, I just need to be my goofy friendly self, and not an outlier. That path leads to darkness and wailing of teeth.

So, if you see me complain, or I complain more about being shy (unless maybe there's an actual reason, maybe?), call me on it. Tell me to stop being a whiner.

So hopefully this is a step in the right direction. I certainly hope so.

This and That

So... after two weeks of a surgery, you're allowed to make death jokes right? Cause I have a friend who two weeks ago went in for open-heart surgery for blood clot issues, and got out last week and is doing very well, despite the fact that she had a blood clot the size of a hot dog taken out of her...

Well, getting back to the point, she only mentioned it once on her facebook status after the surgery, four days after and a smittering responded to it, and now 8 days after her update (to which she hasn't said more on Facebook), and over two weeks since her surgery, I randomly commented on her status "And then she died."

That's well out of the realm of being inappropriate, right?

And in other news, I am very disappointed in a friend of mine. Through random happenstance, I found out that he has never heard of "All your base are belong to us". Of all people, I thought he would have known about it, but alas, he did not. So that's disappointing. Oh, and if you haven't seen the music remix of it, check it out on youtube.

Photo Spotlight

I have an amazing friend Rachel who loves photography and is planning on going to Africa next year for a study abroad. She has been taking pictures of a few people and I volunteered to help out her portfolio. And to get some awesome photos.

She hasn't put the photos on her website yet, but here are some that she posted through facebook.











Quite awesome don't you think?

Courage

If I Had the Courage

If I had the Courage,
I'd be more than what I am,
I'd say the things that come to mind,
Trivial or important, all that others would say.

The small jokes, the one liners,
Asking to know you, to flirt, to smile, to laugh
I wouldn't worry how I appear
Or second guess what people think, even when donned in a top hat.

I'd get past the small talk
To the personal information
To be a friend, a confidant, trustworthy,
Not just another face in the crowd.

But here I am before you,
Shy and nervous as can be,
I worry, I freeze, I stutter,
And say nothing in the end.

And so in the end, less is said,
Opportunities lost, awkward silences had,
Out on the edge, out on the fray
Part of the group, the circle, the activity.

But a spectator only
When participation desired.
Unknown how to rectify
Confused how to change

When if I could I would,
Compliment you, flirt with you, get to know you
Smile, laugh, being happy and sharing experiences
Not cause I'm there, but for the friendship obtained.

So here I am as quiet as can be
Enwrapped in all the conversation,
listening to all that said,
But not saying anything myself.

Not talking, just listening.
Hearing others, but not being heard
There, but not there...
Invisible you might say.

All that I could do
All that could be said
Worries, thoughts and ideas meetted out
If only I had the courage.

Redefining One's Self

I have a question for you all, that hopefully you may be able to answer. And no need to to wait for permission to respond, you all can reply and are encouraged to reply.

How do you reinvent yourself? I hear that with each semester we are allowed a chance to redefine ourselves, to become those people who we want to become? But what about shy guy type struggling to burst out of his shell? If a group of people with whom he associates with perceives him as a shy guy, and does nothing to help ease his transition, will his changes be noticed? Will he no longer be shunted off to the side as the shy guy that he was and allow themselves to view said guy in a different light, with a different perception?

That, I suppose is my question. How can the shy guy break out of his shell? Maybe the answer is as simple as attempting to be more conversational. Or maybe it isn't.

There just happens to be some people with whom I associate with, that due to acts of shyness and aloofness, I feel shunted off to the side.

So I'm just wondering how I can fix that so things are so awkward for me.

Victory?

So is it a victory if people in your ward suspect you to be a European at first because of a slight accent and mannerisms? Because this totally has happened to me.

Well twice now actually. My last ward thought I was from Europe too...

So is this a victory? I think it is. Although, to be suspected of being from Europe and having to disappoint and reveal that I'm just Utah native... must be quite a let down. To be expecting something foreign, but in the end be from somewhere tame... Though technically with it's higher than the national crime rate, Kearns is far from tame.

I'll have to ponder this...

So do you think this is a victory?

You Punk!

Yes, You Wally III are a punk! Yes I know it had to be secretive and all, that you wanted to surprise everyone. But still. I found out cause you updated your status on Facebook and it showed up on my main page. You don't even answer your phone. You punk.

Punk punk punk!




Oh, and by the way, congratulations by the way for getting engaged. I always said you would marry before me.

Frome Whence Come Ye?

So I was looking at analytics, of those who visited my blog this month and saw some cool things. Some interesting visits I've received is from The Navy network information center, and the the Utah Education Network. I've received 9 visits from facebook (mainly from Provo) and so for those of you who have come from facebook or the Navy (Tim!), give me a shout out. I'd like to know who else is reading.

Also, someone found my blog by searching google for: lds not to bungee jump. That's hilarious.

Proceed, and give a shout out ya'll hear?

No, I Didn't Catch It

Compared to many of my friends, I'm short. How short you ask? This short.

To the Best of the Best

There are nary a man in today's times that is as much as a gentleman and super stud as Wally the 3rd.
This here is a tribute and a wish of luck to one such as him; one of the finest and most dashing men that e'er have stumbled upon this green sphere we call Earth. Though he is a tad humble to admit it, he now has been occupied in the courtship of a lovely lady of his suiting. So great now are the levels of Twiterpation that the good sir Wally III took it upon himself to cross this great nation by the miraculous mode of air travel to visit the fair maiden as she resorts with her kin over this season, and left naught but a few hours ago.

To him I wish him the best of luck in the his wooing of the fair lady Kristen

So again, to thee my good Sir Wally III, I commend you for your efforts. And if anything may come of it, I do but humbly ask to be the Godfather.

Post-Wedding Day

No not my wedding. But a friend's wedding. Two friends actually. Who happened to be dating each other for 3 years or so. And I thought I'd share some photo's I took there.

The Giant; glaring at me for taking surprise photos.


Introducing the Dude. Yes, his awesomeness equals yes. So thus he is the Dude.


Mr. Dude, his last moments of bachelorhood slipping away.


Though this isn't the girl he's waiting for.


This is the girl he's waiting for:


The vows and everything else that is said.


The Rings.


More of the Rings


I like this photo, it's them just ending the kiss, getting in the natural smiles as they just had their first kiss as a wedded couple.


The Bride, the veil and little children. Such fun.


Being civil about it. No fun.


And them dancing. I should have taken a video cause they both are great dancers.


So yeah. Hop to it!

Ear Blasting Fun

You know... I think yesterday was my first actual concert. I mean I have attended Jon Schmidt concerts and the like, but those have been assigned seating concerts, not stand up and dance and shout like a fool type concerts.

So yeah, my first actual concert was at Cowboy Mouth. And it was awesome. Awesome indeed.

So 'Lyssa, 'Greg', and me went down to Salt Lake (Yeah, fake 'nym for Greg. Keeping up tradition.) and had a blast. I'm sure both Greg and Lyssa appreciated it more as Greg can run circles round me with his music knowledge and appreciation, and 'Lyssa, well she just loves the band with the fury of a thousand suns at supernova.

The opening group was ok, I didn't catch their name though, but it was some local band. Their mics rang a bit, and I'm not sure if that was their problem or the Urban Lounge's fault, so I can't really judge them. That and I didn't understand a thing they said, but the beat was alright.

I will tell you it is definitely something to have music pulsating around you, causing the very fabric of your clothes to vibrate and shake around you. Not to mention going absolutely deaf. By the end of the night it sounded as if I had cotton swabs in my ears and that there was a police scanner on it the background when people spoke.

But onto the main band, Cowboy Mouth! They are awesome, I will admit that. The main drummer/singer, Fred LeBlanc, is very cool. You could tell that despite how much work it is for him (which can been seen by the massive amounts of sweating he did) that he enjoys it. He also had a crazy look in his eyes, the look of confidence, of knowing what he was doing and knowing how to have fun doing it.

They played great songs, some of which can be heard on their website and I had an awesome time. I especially enjoyed the throwing of red spoons. There's a red song spoon they play we throw red, plastic spoons at them. Fun.

There is some minor language for those of you who wonder, but it's not ever frequent or a continuous line of expletives. Sometimes in songs like "Tell the Girl Ur Sorry" that it's use is fit in with the rhythm, and so it's done with taste (if it can be done with taste) with a song or two of theirs.

So They are basically awesome. And if my saying so doesn't convince you, talk to 'Lyssa. She'll convert you quickly soon enough.

Rigged

A bunch of friends from my old ward got together to play Cranium. I think it is quite spiteful, or the die was rigged.

For those that don't know you roll a die and proceed to the nearest color that you rolled, acting out/drawing/shaping clay or answering questions based on the card. And for my time for 95% of the time when we rolled the die it would only let us go to the next color one space away.

So I think Cranium just did it to be spiteful. It is quite mean.

Birthday Fever

I was meaning to post this earlier but I didn't have time. I'm pressing my time just by writing it now. But it's my attitude about birthdays. I don't have anything against them, I mean who does? (excepting people uncomfortable with their age maybe?) But at the same time I don't give them due respect.

Not to say that usually when a friend's birthday comes up I won't wish them a happy birthday and celebrate with them if they're doing something, but when it comes to my own birthday I tend to keep it on the down-low. For example, last year on facebook a month before I hid my birthday on facebook so that no one could see it. And then I went up to Kearns and hung out with some friends as if nothing else was happening. And then one of my friends afterward got mad at me for not telling them and said we would have gone out and done something different had they known.

This year I practically did the same. I didn't hide it on facebook this year though, but I still did make no plans either. Of course having a birthday on Sunday, moving out Friday evening and staying with a friend until I could move in helped facilitate that. But even so I didn't tell my roommates or anyone at my new ward that Sunday was my birthday. I just let it be a normal day and sat around and relaxed.

But then while just coming to my blog Sunday evening my roommate glanced over and saw the title And I'll Cry If I Want To and asked me about my birthday and when it was. So when I told him he was of course naturally disgruntled that I hadn't told him or anyone else. And another roommate, Benjamin, who is trying to bring us all together as roommates gave me a piece of cake after overhearing that.

So I don't know about my other roommates in the apartment, but I bet they find it pretty odd that I didn't inform them of my birthday.

But why did I do it though? If it was anyone else's birthday I would want to know, want to celebrate with them. But yet I hardly mentioned it. I just made it, until I realized I was being an idiot and contacted a few friends to get together this week, a normal day like every other day; not special.

So I was thinking about why and my slightly hypocritical view of birthdays and realized that one it probably stems from a bit of my lack of self-esteem; that it's not worth celebrating. That may be part of it. I think it also had to with my birthdays in the mission field. Apart from the packages I received the week or so before at Zone Conference I don't recall doing anything special, just going out and working. Though I think on my second birthday in the Mission I did celebrate a bit with some recent converts and had some cake. But that may have been more at the behest of my companion than anything else I think.

But back to the point. I considered my roommates point-of-view and figured that I'd probably think myself as selfish for keeping it all to myself. Luckily there's another birthday in a year so I have that long to change my attitude about it. And it's on a Monday too.

Of course I might just celebrate it a week early so everyone can be there before they all head home at the end of the semester. But we'll see.

And on a completely unrelated note, it is my parent's 26th anniversary. I need to call them.

Twonce Upon A Time

Maybe I am doing things wrong. If a girl likes you and you don't reciprocate that feeling, do you avoid them or keep being friends with them ignoring that when they look at you, it is more than a random glance? I used to think that the correct answer is try and be friends, because back when I crushed on girls in high school and after the mission, generally if I told them I liked them, they withdrew and avoided me. I think and thought it was silly and that such awkwardness could be avoided. Now I'm not sure. I thought the correct thing would be do unto others as they do unto you, that as I would have preferred that those girls not stop being friends with me that I should try and be friends with someone if that situation were to occur. But now I'm not sure.

Because if up to me, I'd say be friends. Awkward moments come and go and are normal. But when the idiocy that is inherent in my man-blood roars and other things happen, well it seems that maintaining the friendship causes pain if other avenues of dating occur.

So be friends and eventually cause pain again, or go separate ways? Choices choices.