Missionary Wednesday

Every Wednesday is my brother's P-day in the Chicago South Mission, and so excerpts of his weekly e-mails are posted here.

Hello Family and Friends,

Last Wednesday, Elder Rd. and I went to the aquarium. It was pretty cool except for the lame "fantasia" show they had. The aquarium handlers told us that instead of the animals doing tricks and us getting a chance to learn about the the animals, they would do this slightly different show where they animals do what comes naturally to them. Supposedly in the beginning they were going to make someone’s dream come true by letting an audience member get up close and personal with the animals. But the little girl they chose seemed to be too well behaved and her actions seemed scripted. When were were leaving we heard another audience member say that they used the same little girl from before, which completely ruined what little magic the show had. Other than that, the animals in the show really didn’t do anything at all. They just sat there most of the time while the people did the performance, and some of the promised animals weren’t even there. The best part of the show was when the dolphins actually did something when none of the other animals did. Other then that the aquarium was very good. I’m going back with Elder Rt. today because he didn’t get to go.

In regards to the work, last Wednesday night we met with Steve and Hannah again. Both Elder Rt. and I felt completely and utterly useless. Steve and Hannah had so many deep and probing questions that we had such a difficult time answering,and were it not for their friends from north Chicago, Rich and Jennifer, we would have accomplished nothing that night. I left feeling terrible. Not only did we have so much trouble in the lesson, but they told us before the lesson started about the challenges in their life that have been building up dramatically. Which, again, there is nothing we could do about that. I felt hopeless until Elder Rt. explained to me that those challenges is just Satan doing everything in his power to stop them from progressing, which means that Steve and Hannah are progressing and our work with them is worth something after all.(Editor's note: Steve and Hannah have some legal issues that they need to take care of before they can be married an baptized) I think they will be baptized, but with the ever increasing pressures of their life; getting them a testimony may just be the easy part. The real difficulty will be getting around the adversaries tricks and into the waters of baptism.

Anyways, this week Elder Rt. has been pulling the “New Guy Card” to get us in the door with the members in the area. It’s been working really well. We’ve scored lots of lessons and dinner appointments with him just trying to get to know the people in the area. Let’s hope this continues to work.

I also can’t believe how fast this transfer has gone by! Due to Thanksgiving, this transfer ends early so the departing missionaries can enjoy Thanksgiving with their families. So this transfer is just about up, We get transfer calls Saturday and transfers are on Monday. I sincerely hope that I will stay here through the holidays. Because, if I leave now, I really don’t feel like I’ve accomplished enough right now to be leaving the area happy.

Anyways, Happy holidays to you all, enjoy Thanksgiving

Love Elder Fields

Meme(ish) Time

It's been a while since I've done one of the meme quizzes that float about, and it's a Tuesday morning. So I can either post weird math jokes and experiences later on that happen as I attempt to keep my sanity in the Math lab, or I can do this. I chose this.

This quiz courtesy of Larissa, a girl in my last ward, who may not know who I am...

1.What's your current obsession?
Obsession as in something I do all day? Finishing up this blasted Linear Algebra independent study class I'm taking.

2.What's your zodiacal sign? Do you identify with it?
I'm a Taurus, I don't give a hoot about astrology usually, but for the sake of the blog, I'll post today's horoscope. In the daily horoscope thing from Horoscope.com it says:

You've had a day or two to think about your new business opportunity. This window could close at any time, so you need to make a move immediately. Take what information you have, form a solid opinion, and stick to it until someone else comes up with something better.

3.What are you wearing today?
Shorts and T-shirt that I slept in.

4.What's the last thing you purchased?
Divine Comedy Tickets, I think.

5.What do you think about the person who blog I took this from?
She's awesome, smiles a lot and strives to be happy.

6.What's for dinner?
Most likely Mac and Cheese

7.What's your favorite decade?
Let's go with whichever decade best fits in the Elizabethan Era.

8.What are your summer must haves?
Umm, a job? Fun? Sun? I don't really know.

9.What would you love to do?
Travel to Mexico again. Take over the world. Mess with the Space Time-continuum. Get more in shape. Hack into major porn sites and replace all the images there with Barney in a speedo.

10. What's your favorite item from your wardrobe?
My top hat.

11.What's your dream job?
I'd like to do ethical/anti-hacking for the government sometime down the road, protect national networks from all sorts of hackers.

12.What's your favorite magazine?
The Ensign, I don't read others too much. No money.

13.What's the biggest fashion faux pas?
Wearing all red and being barefoot?

14.Describe your style.
Usually jeans and a t-shirt. Throw in some nicer shirts on occasion for some spice. And the wearing of Top hats every now and then.

15.Favorite Beatle?
Umm, Pass.

16.What are your proud of?
I'm almost done with my math class. I'm proud to be a member of the LDS Church, I suppose. I'm proud... of being proud? I dunno.

They Have a Canon!

Can't write much, Gauss-Jordan, and other ghosts of linear-algebra mathematicians are pestering me with the school work that I have to do.

But anyways, I went to Divine Comedy with Shandra, and we had fun. You know what, Divine Comedy had a glowstick cannon now! It's crazy!

None of the movies they made are up yet, but I suggest you go to their site and watch the 2nd video listed. It's hilarious.

Anywhat, I truly have to get back to school work. Blast cumulative exams and all.

Searching... Searching... Searching...

I just thought I'd share some of the more recent searches that Google has delivered to my blog. Feel free to laugh, or be disgusted. I completely understand either way. Since many lead the same page, I'll group the searches by the pages they land on.

Close Encounters of the Cleverbot Kind:
cleverbot scam
cleverbot is flirting with me
female human cleverbots
how to stump cleverbot
is cleverbot a human
is cleverbot a scam
is cleverbot really a person
stump cleverbot
why does cleverbot think he is human?

Your Mom and Spooning:
spooning with mom
i said no spooning
no spooning
No spooning allowed
I spoon with mom

Math and the Crocodile Hunter
croc hunter memories
mathtv

Provo Politics
"coy d. porter" stop cindy
"sterling beck"
"sterling beck" "cindy richards"
beat cindy richards, provo
cindy richards sterling baeck
laura cabanilla or coy porter
provo mayoral debate
sterling beck
sterling beck cindy
sterling beck provo

November's CES Fireside:
ces fireside elder uchtdorf
uchtdorf ces -"to speak"

Other:
"what made red man red"
Finedoodles.com
Nanti
That Paul Mero Sutherland guy.
Samantha braces

Also, tonight I have my date with Shandra. Have a good weekend.

The Sutherland Insitute, Asexualism, and You.

With the two Salt Lake ordinances that passed this week granting work protection rights to gays, and with the LDS/Mormon Church backing them, you think all would be happy in Utah, right? Not so, one group, the Sutherland Group, disagrees. Upon hearing their representative talk, you'd think they're speaking out against gay rights equality.

Not so. If look into the bad grammar and oddly placed logic, you'll see that they're suggesting something else entirely:

Sexual orientation is an illusion. Your idea of rights is an illusion. Your equality is illusory.

"Sexual orientation is an illusion". Apparently the Sutherland institute believes we're all supposed to be asexual. This is further apparent by their statement,

It only exists in the minds of activists, and their academics, who need to explain away why people do what they do even when they don't want to do it.

So, according to Paul Mero of the Sutherland Institute, he has no sexual orientation and believes that there should be no sexual orientation at all. He's either a cyborg with robotic manly bits, or he's completely asexual. Although the more logical answer would be that he's a cyborg, his states,

The truth is that we are born male and female with moral agency.

See! He says we're all born male AND female. Not 'Male or Female', but 'and'. Clearly that means he is arguing that only asexual humans have rights.

Of course, it doesn't help that he contradicts his asexual argument by saying,

Because it's behavior, our sexuality is always a choice, and any other sexual construct is an illusion.

Of course he could just be saying that heterosexuality and homosexuality are both illusions. That's probably it. He thinks everyone who isn't asexual is actually holographically projecting their sexual behavior, since they aren't asexual.

And, as a follow-up Mero said,

Your idea of rights is an illusion. With the backing of every miserable misanthropic philosopher of the post-Enlightenment era, your initiative feeds on the unreasonable notion that you have these magically organic rights to do whatever you desire.

Clearly the only explanation is that Mero is Morpheus, an asexual cybernetic humanoid who is subtly informing us of the Matrix that we live in, and that we're all an illusion because we aren't asexual. It has nothing to do with his views on homosexuality or that a gay person could view heterosexuality as an illusion, it's that we're all battery-like slaves and he wants to set us free.

I think we should listen to the man, cause I can't wait to asexually split with myself.

Missionary Wednesday

Dear viewers,

This last Wednesday we had a zone activity which was about average. My favorite part of the day was was our appointment with "Steve" and "Hannah". Their north-side member friends were there and we taught them the Law of Chastity again, and this time with the help of there friends, we were able to commit them to live it. "Steve" told us that he admired our cajones, because he had been meeting with north-side missionaries for two years and none of them ever taught them anything about the Law of Chastity, but we taught it twice in two weeks. They also told us that they plan to get married right after their court situation is resolved and have decided to eliminate all unnecessary distractions until the court thing is resolved. They don't even want to talk about being married anymore until their situation is resolved. So the Law of Chastity is not an issue anymore and that feels good. (Editors Note: I weep for his innocence.) Now, for the next part of our challenge; helping them to gain a testimony! This will probably be harder then the law of chastity was.

Thursday there was a zone conference, it was basically a new twist on the old ways of teaching, but it was very enjoyable, I learned a lot. On Friday, as requested by the ward, we took Brother C. to an appointment with "Steve" and "Hannah". They hit it off very well. It sometimes amazes me how well members are able to teach. We also were able to obtain two other member-present lessons this week. We feel very accomplished in doing this, as we have had very little member involvement thus far.

There was a stake talent night on Saturday, which was very enjoyable. Most of the wards in Chicago are Spanish-speaking wards, ergo most of the show was too. Despite the fact that I barely understood what was being said and basically had to go along with the crowd for most of the show, it was still good. I do, however, wonder why when native Spanish speakers are present for meetings containing mostly English speakers, they are provided translator headsets, but when the opposite occurs English speakers receive nothing. Steve and Hanna were also at the talent show. I also find it very strange that while they are willing to attend our functions and attend church with there north-side member friends, they have yet to attend a regular sacrament meeting in the ward in which they rightfully belong to.
As for today, I'm on an exchange with Elder R., Elders E.'s companion. Elder R. and Elder E. have an employment workshop to attend, for those missionaries who have less then two months left in the mission.

...As far as my companions; yes, I am anxiously killing off my companions. I love to tell them of all the horrible ways in which I will commit the dirty deed, freaking them out by how dark and twisted I can be pretend to be. Then, when their time comes, I simply shake their hand and say "you're dead!".

That's all for this week,
Sincerely, Elder Fields.

Jeers and Cheers

I have an awesome friend who plays local league hockey at Peaks Ice. He's awesome and his team, the Chiefs, are pretty good.

However, I have the hardest time coming up with clever stuff based off the names of other teams. Take tonight's team, the Red Dawn, how are you supposed to mock that? They used to be the Fighting Squab, which is way easier to make fun of, considering squab are doves. But the Red Dawn? That's an awesome name, it's hard to think of clever word play jeers to shout during hockey games.

Of course it could be because all that I thought of when thinking about stuff I could use came from Lord of the Rings, where Legolas states that the dawn is red because blood was spilled that night (when they're pursuing the Uruk-Hai who took Merry and Pippin) and when Theodin was pumping his men up for the fight in Pelennor Fields. (Against the Southrons and their huge elephants.)

So how am I supposed to think of stuff like that? It's hard. And I've used up a lot of stuff cheering on the chiefs.

But I digress, I have a math final to prepare for. I have to get back to that.

- Sam.